Yours truly, Azrael

XI. Three Bittersweet Days

Two weeks after their 4th anniversary, Racel decided to go home. It wouldn't hurt, wouldn't it? To see Azrael's smile, to see Azrael's laugh, to feel Azrael's warmth... if it was just for a while, if it was just for a little while, it wouldn't  hurt. It wouldn't hurt, right? He just needed a few days to be with Azrael. He desperately needed a few days to be with Azrael. Just a few days...  that was all he's asking for . Because after that... after that... he would go back to pretending. He would go back to lying about all he would think about, all he would think about was revenge. His revenge.

Even if it hurt. Even if it hurt.

For Racel, the rest of these three days were spent observing Azrael. He didn't really want to interact with his lover. He just wanted to watch. He just wanted to watch Azrael, while he have the time. While he still have time. He wanted to memorize every single dip and curve his lover possessed, every smile, every laugh, every movement. He wanted to remember it all. So that when the tine came when he had to complete his revenge, he would never forget the man named Azrael. Never.

As for Azrael? He was happy. He was delighted. He was ecstatic. Who wouldn't, right? Because after two weeks, after two long weeks of no communication, after two weeks of him being alone, Racel finally went home. Racel finally went home to him. Sure, he barely spared him a glance, but the lilac eyed boy didn't really care. As long as Racel went home, he didn't care about anything else; he wouldn't care about anything else. As long as Racel was home, he would be happy. Racel said that he'll be home for at least three days and Azrael was determined to make the most out of it because, who knows when the brunette will come home again? It might be a month, or a year, or a decade before he sees Racel again. So, he'll just have to make the most out of his three days.

And he did do his best, his very best. He cooked for Racel, did laundry for Racel, massaged Racel's stiff body and made love with Racel. Azrael did as much as he possibly could for the man and on their last night together, as they were lying together on the bed, as they were lying side by side,  Azrael wanted to cry. Azrael badly wanted to open his mouth and just spat all the words that he wanted to tell Racel. Azrael wanted to bombard him with questions about his cold treatment.

Azrael wanted to ask him why did he only go home now, or why did he only have three days despite having to be separated for a very long time. He wanted to shout and blame and punch and kick and slap Racel. He wanted to ask if he ever did something wrong that warranted such acts. He wanted to ask where the man he married was.

Where was the man whose tears freely flown from his eyes down to his cheeks and choked on their wedding vows?

Where is the man whose embrace made him feel safe from all the pain and the miseries that this cruel world could give? 

He wanted to ask what happened to their vow, their vow of eternal love. He wanted to ask where Racel was when he was all alone in this too big of a house. Where is he with every birthdays, every anniversary that he missed? Where was he? So many questions he wanted to ask, but then again, he simply chose not to do anything. He just pretended that everything would be okay. He just pretended that he's ok.

On their last night together, Racel relished in the warmth Azrael's body gave him, the warmth only he could give. He softly traced circles on his love's bare back as they basked in the afterglow their nightly activities brought them. Racel took a deep breath, inhaling the unique scent that his lover possessed. A soft smile touchd his lips. Strawberries and roses, Azrael smelled so good.

"Racel?"

"Hm?"

Racel opened his eyes to look at the naked form of his lover in his arms, who was cuddling his chest, seeking his warmth. Azrael looked so beautiful. There was a blush staining his cheeks and his whole body seemed to glow under the moonlight. Lilac eyes stared intently at blood red ones. They were so full of raw emotions that Racel almost gasped at the intensity. They were so beautiful. So very beautiful.

"I love you, Racel. Till death and until then."

Azrael said the words so softly that it was a miracle that Racel even heard him. Racel tensed as Azrael said those three words. He expected them. Azrael always said those words to him. But always, they never fail to always surprise him. He closed his eyes, he closed his blood red orbs, repeating Azrael 's statement in his head over and over again.

He knew Azrael loved him. Of course he knew Azrael loved him. But, did he love Azrael back?

Could he truly love the son of the woman who destroyed his happy family?

Could he really let go of his vengeful desires to be with the man whom he was now holding in his arms?

Could he?

Could he really forgive?

Could he?

"I know." Racel's embrace grew tighter. He was so confused. He was very confused. What was this warm feeling in his heart? Was this.. was this love? A shot of fear suddenly filled him. Love...

Was this the love that killed his mother?

Was this the love that made her miserable?

Racel was afraid. He was afraid. This emotion.. he didn't want it. No, he can't afford to have it. He didn't want to end up like his mother. He didn't want to love someone and someday be left alone by that same person. He didn't want to be betrayed. He didn't want to be unloved. He didn't want to die in such a painful way. Oh God, he didn't. He really didn't.

Love.. this disease haunted him in every painful way possible. And he was scared. He was afraid to realize that he might have come to love the son of his enemy, Azrael. His.. Azrael.

Azrael smiled a bittersweet smile as he delved deeper into the man's embrace. Racel never told him the three words he wanted to hear the most. Not once after their wedding. Not once after four years, not even once. But Azrael was content. At least Racel knew. At least Racel knew that he loved him so much. So much that it hurt.

After those three happy days, Azrael's life was back to his normal routine: waiting, hoping, longing, failing. But in between those two, he also gave more attention to his body. Lately, he hadn't been feeling really well. In fact, he hadn't been feeling well at all.

Sometimes when he woke up in the morning, his body ached all over. And sometimes he had nosebleeds too. It was really odd, really.  The bruises in his body didn't seem to go away and instead increased. He started feeling very faint too, sometimes vomiting his guts out.

This continued for weeks and weeks and weeks but Azrael ignored it. Maybe it was just something he ate.

Hi! I know it's even too long since I last updated, the last update not withstanding. Anyway, I hope that there are still some of you who are patient enough to wait for me and this story. No need to worry, I will finish this, and I assure you that it won't be long now.

Anyways, reads, votes and comments are highly appreciated. In fact, they motivate me to update at an earlier time.