Solangelo 2

Part 26

PERCY

For the first five minutes I can think of nothing but catching my breathe. In all my years, I had never gone that long without being able to take a breathe. Annabeth is beside me, I can hear her talking, feel her hand on my shoulder.
'I'm okay.' I say, once I'm able to talk again. My throat is raw.
I rest my head on my knees, sitting on my bed, curled in a ball. Even now I can still feel Tartarus. As sharp as the last time I was there. Annabeth moves her hand slightly, and in a panic I grab onto it, scared that she was intending to leave.
'You okay?' She asks, quiet, away from the others. I intend to answer, but I can't. I don't know if I'm okay. I just keep hold of her hand.
'What's going on?' Hazel says, sitting up in bed.
'Hazel! Thank the Gods!' Frank says, moving away from me and over to her bed. In the havoc of my not being able to breathe, no one had noticed Hazel waking up.
'I don't understand what happened?' Annabeth says, 'I didn't think we had a way to wake you up if Nico didn't think he could.'
'What?' I ask, confused. She shakes her head slightly, she'll explain it later.
Will comes through the doorway, carrying Nico. We're all silent. I'm incredibly lost.
'You gave him the tablet?' Annabeth asks.
'I couldn't think of anything else.' Will says, 'it gives us time. That what we need.'
'What tablet?' I ask.
'It stops your subconscious. No dreams or anything.' Will explains, distracted. I falter as I process what he said.
'No dreams?' I ask, in disbelief.
'Not a long term solution.' He says, 'it has side effects. I rarely give them out.'
'Right.' I say, but for the first time realising how one could become addicted to something.
'What happened? Is Nico okay?' Hazel asks, standing up from where she was lying, but sitting down almost immediately. She brings a hand to her head.
'You okay?' Frank asks, moving in beside her.
'I...' She says, but her voice is weak.
'Hazel, did you...?' I ask, not finishing the sentence. She looks up at me. I can see the fear in her eyes. I look around the room quickly, see their concern and confusion, 'you want to step outside quickly?' She nods.
'Is everything okay?' Frank asks, worried.
'Percy, what's going on?' Annabeth asks. I look to her, and I think she understands. She looks quickly to Hazel. I move over, take Hazel's hand, link arms with her. Together we move out of the room.
I don't know what's gone on when we've been asleep, but for now all that matters is that Hazel is okay.
I sit down with her outside the building, on the steps. It's light out, but I can't tell straight away whether the day is beginning or ending.
'I didn't...I couldn't...' she starts, unable to process her feelings.
'I know.' I say, carefully. Even though the feelings of going to Tartarus are just as fresh for me, they are not new anymore.
'I had no idea that's what you had to go through.' She says, looking at me. She's crying, tears falling consistently, 'for weeks. And Nico, alone.' She shakes her head, wipes her eyes, 'I can't...the thought of you all down there...'
'I love you so much, Hazel.' I say, staring at her in complete awe.
'What? I mean, I love you too. But why?' She asks, laughing a little.
'Only you could go into Tartarus, and come out thinking of someone else.' I say. I take her hand loosely and rest my head on her shoulder.
'Isn't that what you just did?' She asks, 'taking me outside to check I was okay? Even though you just went through the same thing?'
'I guess it is.' I say, smiling to myself.
'How do you...what do I do now?' She asks, her voice suddenly turning scared.
'It stays with you.' I say, distraught to think of Hazel having to live having gone through Tartarus, but not wanting to lie to her, 'and there are days...' my sentence hangs unfinished. She understands. 'But it gets easier. You have people who love you, and I promise you that's enough.'
She doesn't say anything, the weight of what she just experienced settling on her. She holds my hand tighter.
'I promise you it isn't always like this.' I say, 'it seems so overwhelming and so...unfixable. But it gets better. It gets easier.'
I look up at her and she's still silently crying. As if what she'd just been through was too much for words. Which it was.
'Hazel?' I ask.
'Yes?' She replies after a moment.
'I love you.'
'I love you too.' She says, laughing lightly.
'You know I love you?' I ask.
'I know.'
'Say it.'
'Say what?'
'Say that I love you.'
'You love me.' She says. And then quieter, 'you love me.'
'It's horrible, and it's dark and I know how you're feeling, I do. But you need to remember people love you. And I promise you that's enough.'
'You love me.' She says again, like a mantra.
'You love me.' I say, and she smiles a little.
'I do.' She says, 'it won't stay like this.'
'It won't.' I say.
'Okay. Okay.' She says, and then once more, staring out across the camp, 'you love me.'