50 layers of lasagna: an e-girl!garfield x reader fanfiction (18+) (Oneshot)

i'm honestly hate this fanfic so much

Trigger warning: sexual content, murder, starvation, death, suicide

September 2022 edit (and i hope to god that it's the only one i'll need to add, i'm not pulling another adventures in an arbys parking lot type bullshit): hey y'all, i know it's been years since i first published this (i was only 13 when i wrote it, crazy how time flies) but i feel like i need to clarify something because it'll drive me crazy if i don't even though i don't think anyone cares! Sooo....sometime in the story, pop-its are mentioned and i just want to clarify that i didn't mean those stupid ass stress relief toys that literally every 8-year-old has nowadays (i wrote this before those became popular) i meant those little pellet things you get at firework shops during the 4th of july that you toss to the ground and they explode and make a little popping sound (my american readers probably know what i mean). Kthanksbye

It was a warm yet rainy monday, your fatass cat garfield hadn't woken you up like she usually does, at first you were at peace with this but as time went on this seemed kinda off...in fact, for the past week garfield seemed off! She wouldn't talk to you and her face always went beet red whenever she saw you! You got out of bed to see garfield sitting at the kitchen table resting her chin in her hand delicately, she seemed to have been staring into space, maybe a place more fantastical than space...more....suggestive than space...

"Good morning garfield!" You said to your orange-furred companion, garfield snapped out of her lustful trance, looked to you and let out a small whimper as she hid her face which was much much more red than it was before, you calmly walked to the table and sat down with garfield, "hey...you don't seem like yourself lately, is there something wrong, garfield?" You asked, garfield looked away from you, "i...i'm fine, Y/N" she replied, you tilted your head like an anime girl, "are you sure? I don't think you're okay.." you said, sweat dripped down garfield's face as she prepared herself for what she going to say, "well...i've had this feeling for so very long...i...i love you, like...as in i want to be your GF, words can not describe how much love i feel for you...i know this may sound weird but..i've had sexual fantasies about us.." she said, her face now redder than it ever was! Redder than lasagna sauce or jesus's blood after being crucified! Her statement of having fantasies about you made your heart rush but also...kind of aroused? "Well garfield...i didn't know you felt that way" you said as you grabbed her in a loving embrace..."i love you too, garfield"

And at that moment, you two shared your very first kiss...

The feeling of garfield's lips pressed against yours felt amazing, it was technically bestiality but you're mind was too into the moment to care...suddenly, you felt garfield's tongue enter your mouth as your shimmering (your eye color) eyes enlongated and you pulled out your gameboy advance SP blue edition to play pokemon vietnamese crystal, garfield pushed herself away from you, but she seemed like she wanted more...your eyes went back to their former short, feeble forms (kinda like your dick!) Then, without you expecting it...garfield rushed towards you and pinned you onto the kitchen table "gimme that fucking cannoli bitch MMM" she growled furiously before both of you teleported back to bed through lovecraftian powers garfield obtained after surviving the great area 51 massacre of 2019.

Best believe you know what's happening now...

As soon as you reached the bed, shit was about to go down! With a wave of garfield's finger and a flick of your dick, "suit and tie" by justin timberlake played at full blast, best believe got the most confused boner in the history of ever, were you REALLY gonna risk getting arrested and fuck your cat? Yes, yes you were! Immediantly you flipped that bitch over like a pancake and stuffed your tiny ass spaghetti noodle into her L A S A G A (oh god this'll be sooo hard to write, i just know it..) your lil weenie was so small people would think you're trans but it was the entire length of that bedroom to the end of the galaxy to garfield! "Mmm yis i'm finna hit the dab Y/N deddie" she ahegaoed as the person writing this fanfic started to lose her sanity, and then you nutted because the person writing this doesn't like having to write down this scene because she worries her mom will probably look through her ipad one day to see this disgusting filth and she doesn't want to get in trouble

About a month later

Life was amazing ever since you got together with garfield, she was very loyal and never left your side! Though, you've noticed how she neglects eating most of the time and is very clingy as well as how she leaves the house late at night and comes back with mysterious red liquid on her clothes, whenever you asked her about the stains she always said it was lasagna, this was bullshit since you never saw her eat ever since you became a thing but you didn't want to ask very many questions, but then...one night, you decided to stalk garfield to see what she's so busy with at night! You snuck out of bed but you were too late to see garfield go out but you DID get a glimpse at garfield carrying something human sized out in the backyard, after some more looking you came to realize that it was the dog...odie! (Keep in mind odie is an E-thot too) you couldn't keep your eyes off of what your saw, muffled screams came from odie's mouth, garfield growled before kneeling down and punching her in the face, "shut up you disgusting whore, you always got in the way of me and Y/N, but no longer...it's time to die" she said as she pulled a katana from it's sheath and sliced open odie's throat and tossed a bunch of pop-its into the open wound at the same speed of the pixar lamp jumping on the letter I, "oh for fuck's sake he's been watching me this whole time hasn't he?" Garfield growled before she stared back at you through the window, her eyes now glowing, you ran as fast as you could, but garfield was faster

And before you knew it, you felt a sharp pain in your neck and blacked out...

After some time you woke up in the basement, after looking around the room you noticed the corpses of many more copyrighted garfield characters that the writer made into anime abominations such as nermal, arlene and even sans undertale! You tried escaping but your arms were locked to chains on the wall! Suddenly...you heard a small giggle, then some footsteps, you looked up to see garfield who was now covered in blood, with a devious look on her face and her ribs showing, she picked up the katana she used to kill odie, only to drop it and prance around the basement singing "lovefool" by the cardigans, weird how she had that much energy yet she starves herself on a daily basis! "What do you think, Y/N? Was that yandere-y? Oh what am i saying, your mouth is taped shut so you can't respond!" She said with a giggle before ripping the duct tape off your face, some skin cells coming with the tape, "w-why are you doing this?" You yelled, garfield squealed in joy, "oh boy, time for my evil monolouge, i always wanted to do one of those!" She said before putting the tape back on your face and clearing her throat

"You see, i love you Y/N darling, and i will not let a single soul get in the way of us..." she said as she stroked your chin like a disney villain, "i should kill you for what you know, but i really don't want to since..." the camera panned at her face and her hair cast a massive shadow on her face like in the animes "i AM pregnant with YOUR baby!" She said, (dun dun DUNNN!!!) "Yo wtf why didn't she tell me earlier? Oh wait it's so the plot twist is extra twisty" you thought to just yourself, out of completely nowhere you broke free, removed the duct tape, picked up garfield's katana and tried to attack her with it! Garfield overpowered you, kicked you and then stabbed you with the katana...with the last few seconds you stayed alive, you felt so many emotions... betrayed, furious, afraid and so many more...you couldn't believe that you died at the hands of what used to be your best friend, your pet, your very first GF..a small tear left your eye as you took your very last breath, and everything went dark...just like in a shakespeare play...

Garfield's POV

I couldn't believe i actually did it, i actually killed the father of my unborn child...i never knew i would ever do this, i wept..no....i went into a crying fit because of what i did to everyone, all the lives i took, all the pain i caused just for a selfish reason...i couldn't bare to live with myself after this, i don't think i could even raise my child without feeling guilty for my actions...the only way to escape the hell i put myself in is to kill myself, i may not go to heaven but i don't care, as long as i'm not torturing any more souls here on earth...i'm sorry Y/N, i'm sorry Y/N jr, and i'm sorry to all the people i've murdered, i grabbed the katana and slowly stabbed myself with it, i died soon after..

"How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real"

-Jaden smith