Written In The Stars

Chapter One : Beginning of the end or end of the Beginning?

It ended two years back!
"Life's been great"
I say it to myself for the 15th time.. Sitting in front of the mirror looking at it for about an hour, trying to calm myself down.
It's the hardest time of life since last two years. Probably my cowardly actions are catching up to me you can say.
It gets tough to remember how i did and what i did.
Which basically puts me to fear of losing what i already lost. Even though everything is ended i still can't seem to let go what happened 2 years ago.I feel like im losing everything as my anxiety kicks in.
Panic attacks are no worse then nightmares.
'You deserve it' my inner voice fills in
And im interrupted from my thoughts
While i heard my phone ring, this wasn't the first time it was ringing.
It's been ringing from the time i have reached here last night.
My apartment, and its my best friend , Kiara calling me.
She knows im having the tough days of my life, she is just doing her job by calling me to check up on me. She does that to make me feel like i have someone here.
Like I'm loveable and if im fine or not, she makes plans for me and takes me out she tries her best but that's not how it works you see. No one can pull you out from your darkness but yourself.
Once you suffer from Depression it makes an home inside you. Or i think so .
It doesn't matter how much you try home is home and it cannot be forgotten. No matter how many bad memories it brings with it self .And as I'm running out of positive words for myself and i hear the door bell ring and there she is. I know its her, no one else dares to come at this lonely dark place of mine.
Kiara!! I call her kia, Lol. Actually no she has made me do this.

"What are you doing here?!" I know im being rude. I ask as i open door and start walking towards my room, ignoring the look on her face
I need to clear the mess and the house is a clutter right now. Bedsheets removed, pillows thrown, and a glass broken. I move forward to pick it up as a sigh leaves my mouth.

Ughh.

"Stop! Be careful" i point to glass on the floor ahead of her, she was going to step on the glass piece..Aah silly ladyy!
She is looking at me with that pity eyes of her. I look down and start pick up the pieces back.
She's coming forward to help knowing what happened here, it's easy to figure out when you are so fragile. And I hate it!
I hate people showing me that pity eyes, seeing that worry in eyes of the loved ones, it irritates me. That's why im here. Staying in this rental room far away from family cause they have those same pity for me. Which i don't want.

"Let me help you, this is alot of mess" she utters in a careful tone, looking down worried, she starts helping me and we clean my room and i throw myself on the bed. Relaxed. I sighed
And she is still standing looking at me with anger and pain both present in her but mostly pain.
I felt as if not only im burden to family and myself now im a burden for her too!
And now just wait and count till 3...

1 2 3....

Her nagging starts "why don't you ever tell me or call me when you are in these situations. Am i not enough for you ... am i not good friend? No today you gotta answer me ? What is all this? And till when? Why don't you go to that therapy i scheduled for you last week? Why don't you listen to me? Where are the medicines?
I had called your doctor she told me you aren't ready to do what's meant to be done to free be from all of this? What does she wants you to do?
What is this behaviour Meher?

I lay there. Eyes closed. Hands behind my head.
Not responding to even one of her questions.
I have been taking the therapy from almost 1 year and she know what needs to be done, and i can't do it. She knows it better than anyone i suppose!

I get up! take my towel, head straight into my bathroom. Cause honestly i need a shower.
And she kept on speaking anyway.
I come out and see the house is smelling with eggs and pancakes.
Ahh im hungry. I rush out, put on some basic grey pyjamas with a pink tshirt and run to kitchen.
To tell you about my house not that big.. just an normal apartment. It's kinda old building so i got it with a reasonable amount of rent and plus it's small and cosy too. From the door when you enter there's a passageway to the living room and on left is my big balcony, The view outside my balcony is beautiful. Everything's green , i mean good amount of greenery and plants. And near the balcony is the dining table and behind it there's the kitchen and on the right side we have a couch and big led Tv and we head more straight we have two rooms one is my personal library and study room where i work and another is my bedroom. One to right and one to the left.
That's it here it goes my small house. I always wanted an personal library in my house and i got it. Dream come true. Though its rented im here for 2 years and it feels like my home.
As i come out i see lia putting the maple syrup on the pancakes. Oh by the way Kiara Arora is her full name it's just is such a common and short name she made it more short by making it Kia. It's 12 in the afternoon and i love brunchs.
And she knows it.
I jump as i hug her from behind saying thankyou for this food. She is still upset from what happened back. I sit at the chair facing the balcony so i that i could enjoy my food. That's my fav spot to eat at. She comes and sits opposite me her back at the window blocking my view.i snap at her.