I always liked the cold. It fits me you know. It makes me feel like I belong, or at least it's the thing I'm use too. All my life has been nothing but fighting and haft the time it was in the name of others. It's odd too. Fighting for myself never sits right with me. Even tho I'm sitting here in the cold. I keep fighting for myself but it just feels wrong you know.... I lost track of the time I been out here in the cold.
My body is fading. I hope they send someone. It's been at least a day or two in this cold...... it feels longer, also as if I been in the cold my whole life. Except this time I don't care if it overtakes me. I don't care if this Is my last hour. All My life I been fighting. This time I sound fight for myself. I can barely feel my hands. My feel feel like there slowing me down..... I don't wanna fight anymore. All my life I been told to just "deal with it" or "get stronger". All my childhood wasted.... in the fate of others. And you know what they don't even know I'm like this.... They don't understand how easily it would be for me to just give into my temptations and just let the cold carry me away.... carry me away from here. From my pain..... from the sadness....from the lost memory's I once had. If they knew my pain would they care.?...
It's getting colder. I can't keep this up. Do I even want to? I been walking for miles In this snowstorm. My left arm feels useless. Oh how easy it would be just lay here in the mist of it all. At least I won't feel anything anymore...... I heard wolves not that far from me. With one arm I won't stand a chance, and maybe that's a good thing. It's better then just laying down. At least I can go down with a fight. It's I know. An endless battle with life,with my family, with this cold.....
It's something about giving up I just can't do. It's funny too I'm like a walking contradiction. I'm not sure if want to live or if death is the better choice. All I truly know is that whatever god is up there really hates me..... Nobody has came to look for me. They had to have realize I'm missing right?? Someone has to care.....
It's getting harder to walk and this storm is getting stronger. I wish life was different. All those years I didn't need to be strong I was a child, I needed to be safe. I needed someone to tell me "it's gonna be ok"..... I never felt that kind of love before. I bet it feels warm. Warmer then anything I felt before. Maybe even warm enough it hush this storm, but I can't speak on something I never knew,...something I never had,...something I never felt.
I bet it feels nice.
I'm sleepy...... I think I'll lay down for a while.....and let the cold over take me .......
