do you wanna do nothing with me?

1/1

In the dim light of the sun dipping down the horizon, Renata and Celeste dined on pad thai takeout. It wasn't the most luxurious of meals, but it was convenient— and they had both learned to go for convenience at any given opportunity.

Naturally, Renata had subscriptions to every streaming site imaginable, from Hulu to Netflix to HBO. Based on how she struggled to navigate all these websites, Celeste gathered that she seldom actually watched anything on them.

"Goddamnit. You would think I'd be better at this, considering I literally get paid for managing security software," Renata said dryly, after handing her laptop off to Celeste. She reclined back into the couch, a half-empty glass perched in her hand.

Celeste laughed a little. "We all have our moments." She scrolled through the list of movies and shows, only catching a couple titles in the dizzying whirlwind of colour. They'd been at this all day, lounging around the house in pajama pants, occasionally shooting off texts to their shared group chat with the other three women. It was as if a great burden had been carried off Celeste's chest, responsibilities erased by cheap beer and fleece blankets.

Twilight encroached outside the window, lavender and rose hues kissing the tops of the skies. Renata slung an arm around Celeste, holding her close and pressing her lips to Celeste's cheek. "You okay? You've been going through Netflix for awhile."

"Oh, I'm just thinking. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

"Don't be," Renata admonished. "Worrying about everything is kind of my field of expertise, as you know. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, really."

"I know that look, Celeste. You're clearly thinking about something. Everything okay?" Renata's brow quirked in that endearing way of hers, like it always did when she was concerned.

Celeste rested her head on the other woman's shoulder and let Renata stroke her hair. "I'm just surprised. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I'd end up here."

"Let's be real, has anything in the past four years been something we could have seen coming?" Renata's tone was teasing, but there was an undercurrent of unease Celeste couldn't help picking up on. Amabella was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder last year and though it had come as a shock to Renata, it hadn't to Celeste. In fact, Celeste had an inkling that Renata herself suffered from anxiety— but then again, she was no therapist.

"True," Celeste agreed. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing, though. Rather the opposite." She buried her face in Renata's sweater, lightly inhaling the scent of laundry detergent and citrus there. Celeste had been drowning for so long and so quietly that she'd nearly forgotten how to breathe. It took Perry's death for her to realise that she'd been dead inside for a very long time, and took even longer to come back to herself. Celeste had to learn how to cook and laugh and sleep all over again, a fresh life separate from him. She was her own person now— not quite whole but getting there— with friends and children and Renata, a little makeshift family.

Renata tilted Celeste's chin up so their eyes were level. They shared a kiss, unhurried and unbothered, gentle like the rain just beginning to pitter-patter outside.

The next day Celeste took off early to pick up Amabella and the twins from Madeline's house. Before she even had to knock, the door swung open to reveal a greatly disgruntled Madeline.

"Don't ask," the woman groaned as she ushered Celeste inside. "No one went to bed on time, I swear to God." Celeste tried not to laugh as Madeline dragged her to the living room.

When the twins saw her, they ran across the room to Celeste, who caught them in a tight hug. Amabella trailed behind Max and Josh, looking shy when Celeste beckoned her over. She kissed the tops of their heads and reminded the children to thank Madeline for hosting before heading out.

As the boys chattered aimlessly in the back, Celeste and Amabella had a quiet, short-lived conversation. They talked about returning to school again after spring break, an upcoming Spelling Bee, and the anonymous fifth-grade boy that Amabella had been crushing on for a couple months. She was a reserved little girl— nothing like Celeste's sons— but Celeste loved her all the same.

Renata leaned against the doorframe in a robe and balancing a cup of coffee. She greeted them all with effusive kisses and hugs, waiting for the children to rush off onto the deck before she finally spoke.

"Jane stopped by before picking up Ziggy and wanted to know if we were free to go down to the beach later tonight."

Celeste remembered clandestine murmurings in parked cars; her breath forming clouds in the frigid air; secrets spoiling like expired milk. Her skin prickled. "But we haven't done that since the custody battle— and when was that, two years ago?"

"Yeah, something's definitely up. But I kind of want to know what's going on, you know? Might be important." Renata gave her a meaningful look and rubbed her arm reassuringly. "Hey. I'm sure it's nothing that serious. We don't have to go if you don't want to."

Celeste cracked a smile. "I'm sure it'll be fine." She leaned into Renata's touch and allowed the taller woman to lead her into the house, their hands intertwined.