Amidst The Chaos

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Just when I thought things would be different, fate betrayed me. Again.

"Serás estudiante de intercambio en la Universidad Montessori, Señorita Fonollosa. (You will be an exchange student for Montessori University, Miss Fonollosa.)" Mr. Rubio, the Dean of my University told me.

I gripped on the side of my chair hard. If I let myself be in that country again, I can never go back to Spain alive. I can take any country, but not Philippines.

My schoolmates will curse me once they know about this.

"Lo siento pero creo que no puedo hacer esto. (I'm sorry but I think I can't do this.)"

I trust myself more than people do. This is just an act. I am Silveria and no one can drag me down. Whatever it takes.

As long as it's not Philippines.

But I was wrong. Never did I imagine myself stepping my feet on the land where I buried deep within me. I swore to myself I will never, ever, go back to where my life had almost ended.

We'll never know what's gonna happen in me in those five months. Whether I'll have my peaceful stay or there's something worse than that shit.

Ugh! I'm being paranoid!

"Take care always, Silver. Your Dad and I were going to visit you every month. Don't worry, dear."

I smiled faintly. How I wish it's that easy. I don't care about my life, the life of my parents is what I'm worrying about. I would rather face it myself than to see my parents suffer with me. Something my real mother never did. She doesn't have the right to be a mother. Abandoning your child will never be an option if things got worse.

She's a fucking slut! She jump from men to men. That fucking pussy will never be satisfied. I know because she once got hooked up with the richest man in the Philippines. And that bitch is still proud.

I am so disgusted when I found out. I tried so hard not to hear any news from her after that scandal. Does she deserved to be a mother? Does she deserved to be called by her child a mother? Definitely not.

"Mom, I'm not scared. I can take care of myself," I held my mother's hands tightly. "It's just five months. Days goes by and you'll never know, one of these days I'll be at the door knocking."

I did that just to lighten up the mood. But I halfway meant it. I might go back here after two days or so. I don't care if the Dean would expel me.

I breathed deeply.

"Welcome to the Philippines! I am Mrs. Luisa Alcante, the school head." She offered her hand at every fourty Spanish exchange student, but I didn't accept it when it's my turn. I pretended to be busy with my phone. She flinched. The least I could do is to distance myself. "Follow me as I lead you to your dormitories."

Two days after, I woke up from a noise coming outside the dormitory. My mind is still sleeping but I drag my feet beside the window due to my curiosity. I saw a group of people holding a signboard, poster, a brick of wood, and many more. I heard my roommate gasped.

I changed my pajamas into a simple shirt and pants. I went outside to see what's going on. And then I got distracted when a loud sound of a gun caught my attention. Some local students were either running away or joining the riot. I don't know why but I found myself running towards the people. And as I was running, the ghosts of my past started to haunt me.

I see a fourteen year old girl, crying while her shirt is soaking by her own blood. She started coming to me. My feet were glued to the ground. I froze. That girl is me. Helpless, devastated, and hurt. She asked for my hand. When she noticed that I am not paying attention to her, she did it herself. She gave me a ring. I looked closely at it. It is soaking with blood, too. It looks like an ancient ring that being passed by generation to generation.

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