the end of the horizon // b.c

thank you, woojin

i can't breathe.

woojin left stray kids? it seems like some sort of twisted joke. this is a man that rescued me from myself, that brought me out of my dark place; he saved my life. this whole situation is a glob of bitter irony. he dragged me out of my depression and into a place of light, and now he's succumbed to his own mind.

i hate that up until recently, i thought that woojin, and every other star, was invincible. i imagined that they couldn't possibly suffer from anything, much less the 'silly' mental issues that common people like me face. anxiety, depression, anorexia. it just... doesn't seem right. i raised them on a pedestal and painted them gold in my head, only for them to fall like this. i hate that i had as many expectations as i did. so many fans, like myself, give impossible demands without even realizing. and in the last few months, we've had sulli's death, mina's break from twice, hwall leaving the boyz, and now woojin leaving stray kids. depression, anxiety, and expectations are slowly choking the k-pop society.

jyp's letter only gave 'personal reasons' as the basis for woojin's sudden departure, but it's not hard to figure out that he suffers from depression, or any number of countless mental illnesses that are so prevalent in the idol industry. i know woojin himself will never see this, but i'm so sorry, on behalf of everyone like me who couldn't seem to realize that you're human, too. you're not God. you're broken and imperfect, but you're doing your best with the hand you've been dealt. and your best is enough. it's more than enough. i hate myself for unknowingly throwing my impossible expectations at you, and this is where this sinful habit of mine ends. i cannot let this go on any farther.

and STAYs, or any fan of any k-pop group, if you feel called out by my words, please reconsider what your expectations may be doing to not only idols, but the people around you.

in light of woojin's absence, i want all of you to know that nothing will change about this fanfiction, or any stray kids fanfiction i write in the future. technically, woojin may no longer be a part of stray kids, but it's nine or nothing. eight doesn't sound right. woojin cannot be so easily erased from my memory, or from other STAYs'. everything i write will be a tribute to him.

thank you, woojin. nine or nothing. i love you endlessly.