Rambles, Vents And Appreciation For Life

I don't know who I might be

I know I'm bisexual. Wait, actually, hell I don't know what I am. I'm either bi or pansexual. Right now I identify with bisexual. I came out last year as a freshman. In 8th grade I had a friend who came out as bisexual to me. That's when I first started thinking about my sexuality. For a long time I thought I might be pan. I probably am, I like everyone. But like I said, I identify as bi.

That girl who came out to me was super hot btw. I miss her.

Then, at the beginning of 9th grade, freshman year of high school, I started noticing other girls. Girls are hot. 10/10 all girls are hot. Same with boys. And everyone. Everyone is hot. Global warming XD. The only not hot people are people who are jerks. People who treat others wrong and bully or manipulate or abuse others. Not hot 0 stars.
I had my first crush on a girl in freshman year. That's when I realized I'm bi. She was sweet and wonderful and twisted my heart up in excitement.

She's one of my best friends now. I never asked her out. I only actually admitted to her that I like her last week.

So this is where it gets complicated. I have a boyfriend. We started dating at the beginning of freshman year. And yeah, I had a crush on that girl even though we were together. It's not like I was cheating. I knew she would never like me back in that way. She just gave me those emotions. My bf thought it was cute. Not in a twisted way.

Let me get this out right now. The way I have lived my life, sexual and romantically, may seem a little weird to other people. But I am not a cheater, I would never hurt my boyfriend, and we are in a healthy stable relationship.

Ok. I've hooked up with girls. One, specifically. I mean I've hooked up over text but it doesn't really count. It was mostly to see how we would like the lesbian part. My boyfriend knew about it, and said it was ok. He is also bisexual, and would LOVE to hook up with a guy. But he hasn't found anyone. I support him in finding a guy to hook up with.

My boyfriend was the second bisexual I knew. He came out, and my friends were all okay with it. Very soon after I came out too, being able to feel supported. I haven't come out to my family. I'm too scared.

I know this has been a long random ramble

Basically what I'm trying to say, is I'm trying to figure out my life. I don't know who I am. I haven't discovered lots of talents I have. I exist. Sometimes that's ok. I like existing to be there for people. And I'm pretty comfortable with myself, and that I'm proud of. Sexuality is hard.

I love everyone who may be reading this, good night