Lover - Mat Barzal

two

It was the same three words that broke me.

I'll call you.

Eight-year-old me believed it. She believed him when he told her he would only be gone for a few days and that he would call when he arrived to his destination. So I waited by the phone for hours after I watched him pack his bag and walk out the door. When I watched his blue Ford Pickup pull out of the driveway and drive away without looking back at us. I waited for the call that never came.

It took years until I stopped waiting, until I stopped jumping every time I saw a blue truck drive pass me.

Until I realized that he wasn't coming home.

"Nova?"

It's Mat's voice that yanks me from my deep thoughts. I look up to see him standing with an eyebrow raised and finger pointed at my hand and I realize that I've been staring blankly at his phone instead of putting my number in.

I'll call you, he said when he passed me his iPhone and the words brought me back 15 years.

"Sorry," I say, quickly typing my information in and passing it back, hoping he doesn't notice the way my hand is shaking.

"No worries." he says and I watch him tuck his hands in his pockets and slowly start walking backwards. "I'll call you."

The best I can do is nod and send him what I hope is a reassuring smile which seems like enough because he nods back and I watch as he starts walking away. When my mind starts mixing images of Mat and my father, I turn and unlock my front door rushing inside.

I drop my keys on the table and shrug the stupid black leather jacket my mother sent off my shoulders, dropping it on the floor.

"Y'know, mom would be so disappointed to see you treating her clothes like that."

My head snaps to the side so quickly it makes a disturbing noise and I see Cole leaning against the wall with a duffle bag at his feet.

"You're home early. I'm guessing your search came up empty?" I ask, watching his face fall. He kicks his duffle bag a little and shrugs.

"The Thomas Andreou living in Dallas is not our father."

I shake my head and walk over to the fridge to get him a beer. I'll never understand why he wants to find the man who abandoned us. I came to terms with the fact that he was gone and never planned on coming back a long time ago but there's something inside Cole, driving him to figure out what happened.

"Thanks," he mummers when I hand him the bottle. His fingers tear the label off the bottle and he crumples it in a ball before he speaks again. "I know you don't understand why I do it, but I just need to know."

"Whatever you have to do. But Cole," I wait for him to look at me before continuing, "he's not worth the heartache. Just remember that."

I leave it at that and head to the washroom to get ready for bed. When I look in the mirror, the girl looking back reminds me of Old Nova. Tired eyes and a troubled look that never left my face for years. Pathetic Nova who let people walk over her and begged them to stay. But I left that girl behind when I moved back to New York.

I scrub all the makeup off my face and brush my teeth before climbing in to bed. When I pick up my phone to set an alarm, there's a new text message.

Unknown number: hey, its mat. just wanted to give you my number in case you needed anything. sleep well.

I stare at the text for a long time deciding if I should answer and what I would even say. It's foolish, really. It's just a text so I decide on something simple.