A girl I used to know roamed aimlessly through her life allowing her emotional and external pressures to determine who she was. She turned away from the power she wielded deep within her and sought love and validation from everyone except herself. That girl I used to know faced self-destruction from her lack of inner-knowing and self-reflection of her shortcomings. She perceived her life to be a living hell and suffered her darkest days in fear of the unknown, and she told herself that her past experiences determined who she was.
At age 11, that girl lost her grandmother — her closest friend — to suicide, and her life spiraled into a long era of depression, which she carried into her teenage years. The emotional burdens and traumas weighed her down like a hundred-pound rock tied to the end of a rope wrapped around her ankle. Instead of battling her demons, she slept in the depths of the ocean with them. She complied to their wishes of isolation and self-harm: not just to her body but to her soul. She sank until she could no longer look up and see the sun beaming down at her beneath the surface. She believed she was at the point of no return. Before her 17th birthday, she succumbed and attempted to take her own life. She was rigid on the idea that the bottle of pills would put her into the deepest slumber in the darkest pit of that ocean. That night, however, when that girl I used to know fell asleep, a faint ringing in her ears suggested a new beginning, and the day that girl died, her soul awakened. She gazed down at her hands at the bottom of that ocean and saw hope at her fingertips, and her own hands which tied the rope became the same hands that set her free. When she surfaced against the odds of defeat, she peered up at the clouds swimming with the sun. She saw her reflection in that sun, and while those around her drowned themselves and found comfort with their demons, she learned to swim.
That girl I know is a warrior with vivid images rushing through her head. She utilizes those images to create stories, and with just a pen and paper, she allows her creative energy to flow. With just a pen and paper, her soul ignites the passion of the words deep within. Just a pen and paper have become her weapons against the self-destructive nature of her mind. I am the light I sought externally in my slumber. I am leading my own life driven by the authenticity and guidance of my soul. I am Kaila McAlpine, and the girl I used to know is not the young lady I am now. Now, I aspire to guide others who have tied themselves to the rock and have sunk themselves in the ocean. Now, I find myself teaching others to swim out the comfort zone of their darkness. Now, I hush the demons whispering in their ears; I silence their mind allowing their souls to speak. I act as the sun illuminating their lives, encouraging them to free themselves and swim toward the surface. Now, I am choosing to save myself, and everyday I urge others to do the same.
The woman I will be shall be known by her online presence which brings over a million views to her written works. She expresses her gratitude daily and looks forward ambitiously driven by the guidance of her soul. She will continue to take a stand for herself and others with pure intent and the desire to serve justice. Like the sun, the woman I will be burns with fiery energy and passion. The woman I will be proudly shares her story with the world, showing off the battle scars she accumulated to expose her weakness which has become her greatest strength. The woman I will be is a leader.
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A Girl I Used to Know
PoetryCollection of poems, free writes, and pieces I've written from a young age up until now.
