Short Stories

The Grim Reaper

"Gary, I realize it's your first day, but we do have a dress code."

I gaze down at the mortal. "I am afraid I cannot change my form."

My coworker, Todd, palms his face, shaking his head. "You can't just waltz into the office like that, you're going to give someone a heart attack!"

I cock my head. "Perhaps. But not because of my appearance."

Todd takes a deep breath, putting his hands on his hips. He is one of the tolerable mortals, mostly because he is not afraid to face Death (if you have not picked up on it, that would be me) with an angry glare. Where other mortals, as Todd mentioned before, would cower and be quite frightened by my appearance, he does not seem to care, nor be afraid of my lethal aura.

It could also be because we are roommates.

"If you kill anyone, we're both going to be fired." Todd gestures at my robes. "Now change your clothes right now and let's get this over with."

"What if I like my clothes? What if I decide to defy your wishes and continue to wear my robes? What then will you do, mortal?"

"Would you quit calling me that? It's Todd. You know that."

"But calling you a mortal asserts my dominance over you."

Todd glares. "I am a grown man. Call me a mortal one more time and I will be making you pay my rent for three months."

I consider this. "Fine. I will call you a mortal no longer." In a softer voice, I mutter, "Even though you are one."

"What's that?"

"Nothing. Shall we go now? I am ready to make mortals suffer today. And also do my job."

"Fantastic. That is just what I want to hear from you going into this job. You know, if you really wanted to kill two birds with one stone, you could work in customer service. But why am I encouraging you?" Todd shakes his head and starts walking toward the large building where we'll be working together.

"I appreciate the encouragement. It makes my pitifully horrible life chained on this disgusting sphere you call home more palatable."

"Whatever makes you happy, Death."

"I am never happy, only mildly appeased."

Todd sighs. "I am so losing this job. It's just a matter of time."

"If you are unhappy with your position, it would only take a mere one to three minutes for me to end your miserable life."

Todd glances at me, disinterestedly. "One to three, huh?"

"Roughly, if I were to have you choke on your own sadness."

Todd looks at me with barely concealed disgust. "Is that some kind of sick burn?"

"I could also incinerate you in less than a minute, if that's what you mean."

"That's not what I meant."

"But I could."

Todd rolls his eyes. "I get it, you're the Grim Reaper, who wears ratty robes to his first day of work and can kill people in thousands of different ways, which," he jabs a finger in my face, "I do not need to hear about."

I realize I have upset Todd and I do not speak for a few moments. We walk in silence and finally reach the large building. I stare up at it.

"Ooooooh boy, I don't know about this." Todd runs a hand through his sandy blond hair.

"Does the building intimidate you? I could cut a few stories off if it concerns you--"

"No! No, no, it's fine. It's...It's fine. You'll be fine. It's all fine."

I stare at Todd.

He gives a nervous laugh. "Just...just don't kill anyone. Please."

I nod. "I will try."

"Oh gosh. Here we go." Todd pushes the huge doors open. "Welcome to Life Support Industries."