For you, i will

chapter XII

it was late at night. late enough that any trace of tiredness had worn off from either shane or ryan. both of them laid wide awake on their bed. shane liked how he could call it their bed and not just ryan's. they were really a couple now, and that thought alone made him roll over in bed kiss ryan's cheek.
"you know i really like you" shane told ryan in between breathes.
"i really like you too." ryan whispered into shane's neck.
"i want you to be happy." shane said, holding the man closer to him. ryan didn't say anything. he was too turned on to ruin their intimate moment with any mindless words he might say. so he just continued to kiss shane and hold him against himself.
•••
"well that was nice" ryan said.
"yea", shane kissed ryan again, "it was"
he took the smaller man into his arms and held his figure. he was real. this was all real. it was so good and it was all actually his. he never wanted that to change. for so long in his long life shane realized he had not been living. he leaned in and kissed ryan again.
"what was that for..." ryan smiled up at shane.
"nothing i just... i'm really happy with you ryan."
ryan hesitated for a moment. "i am too shane." he had thought briefly that shane was about to say 'i love you'.

he was.

"you know shane, it's crazy. we haven't been together for that long, and yet i feel so complete with you. i know you better than i know anyone else."  ryan was speaking slowly, mapping out every word to set up the perfect opportunity to say the three special words.
"i feel the same way."
"you know... there's a word for it..." ryan teased his boyfriend. it was strange, but he wanted to hear the words from shane before he said it himself.

but shane just changed the subject, and ryan felt a drop in his heart. truth was, shane did love ryan. so much so that he didn't want to admit it, because admitting it would mean another step towards become a mortal; towards no longer being able to protect ryan on their ghost hunts. so what shane said next, contrary to ryan's belief, was not off topic at all.
"ryan, i need you to stop unsolved."
ryan looked up, shocked.
"what?"
"i need you to stop going ghost hunting."
shane had let go of ryan now, who had turned to face him.
"what do you mean? why!?"
"i just need you to."
"no! that show is everything to me, you can't tell me to do something like that and not even give me a reason."
"you already know the reason."
"what? because of what happened last time? that was a one time thing, it has literally never happened before this."
"yeah, because i haven't let it. i can't do that anymore now ryan."
the two were now at opposite sides of the bed, arguing for the first time since their relationship had begun. part of shane wanted to go back in time and never stop cuddle with ryan, to stop from mentioning any of this. but he knew it had to be said.
"look ryan, i am losing my powers! i used to be able to fight off these creatures and keep you safe. but now i can't do that anymore. these things are real ryan, and they're dangerous. i can't let you be in danger like this. i just can't..." the initial anger in his voice had faded as the thought of losing ryan played in his head.
"but shane, that show is everything to me. i've invested so much into every episode, i can't just let it go like that. i love it too much!"
"and i love you!"
it had come out in a moment of passion, and the two stayed their, staring at each other. shane spoke again.
"i mean i..."
but ryan interrupted him with a kiss.
"oh you have no idea how much i've wanted you to say that."
they made out for a while, shane pressing his boyfriend against the wall so he wouldn't escape, not that he would want to of course.
"i'm serious though, ryan."
"i love you too", ryan said.
shane laughed, "yep i figured that after you practically leapt across the room...but that's not what i meant. i want to protect you. i have to protect you. i don't know how to do that once i lose my powers, other than to keep you away from the danger."
"shane..." ryan took hold of his boyfriend's hand, "you don't need special powers to protect me. demon or human, i always feel safe around you. like when we are walking and you make sure i don't trip on the crack on the sidewalk, or when you double check the locks at night because you know i'm always scared someone will break in. you protect me shane."
shane didn't say anything, he just stared into ryan's eyes and let himself fall deeper and deeper in love, realizing for the first time how deep he already was*.

*that's what she said (sorry i couldn't resist)