Suicide warning
You told me that suicide was never the answer, when we spoke at the play ground when we were teenagers and I was on the brink of death because I couldn't deal with all the stress. You were the one who told me it was okay. You were then one who brought me to your house to stay a couple of nights when my parents arguements got too aggressive and shit got broken down. You were the one who helped me teach Josh how to play football when my alcoholic fucking dad was down at a bar drinking his money away and making dumb mistakes, and you were the one who helped me teach Rosie that she is fine as she is and she needs to find herself before anyone finds her when my mom was sat alone in her room depressed out of her fucking mind. You did everything for me so why did you do this to me , you left me feeling do empty inside. Like a pet who is old and dying who gets left behind when they buy a new pet, the same breed and everything. But the new pet is better because it has more energy and it's lively but you got to remember the old pet used to be able to do those things too before you wore it out like a tattered toy. You've brought me to this brink and I don't think there is anyway I can come back from it, I'm not worth saving and you can't save me not even if you tried. I feel like I am at ridge, hanging over the edge and josh, lux and freezy are holding me up, and even if they turn around for a minute I'll fall , into this deep spiral of depression and I will keep falling until I end it , until the light disappears and the walls no longer tell their story and they are worn out and tired and the voices get louder. Until the voices get too loud to the point where I can't deal with it. I can't deal with it right now and that's why I'm doing it.
After staring at the ceiling for a while I sat up and grabbed the nearest paper. I began to write.
Dear Simon,
I'm not sure if I'm sorry that I'm doing this but I know you'll be glad when I'm gone, you can have Tobi then and you won't have to lie to no one about how you didn't fucking love me in the first place, keep up your elloborate act when I'm dead only for a month or two so people believe you are sad over my dead body, then you can have tobi all to yourself, you can say he is helping you cope with my death and that you miss me so dearly. Even though you don't. I bet you wished upon a shooting star that if just end it and if I didn't end it then someone would for me. Lucky for you your wish is coming true because everything you want Simon Edward Minter you get and you don't apperciate none of it but that's just life. I don't know why I'm sat here wasting more of my time on you but I want you to know that I hope this death pains you so badly to the point where you have insomnia. I didn't sleep for so long when you said no it was the only thing I could think about, you made me feel pathetic and useless and I hate you for that. You disgust me but I don't wish over any ones dead body that God brings you sadness because I have self decency unlike you. I fucking hate you and I hope this letter sticks with you until the day you die. You are aloud at my funeral , I want you to have a speech so I can make a laughing mockery of you as you lie to the crowd and in my inheritance I will give you all my money, that's all you want from me anyway. That's all anyone wants me really. You get a little bit of fame and you can make anyone fall for you because big numbers attracted people's mind when it comes to positive stuff. I'm not sorry I had to leave you. I'm glad I am. Goodbye Minter.
- Harold
I placed the note and slid it into an envelope. Slowly but surely I write the other letters. I grabbed my key to the Sidemen house and dropped off, viks, jjs, and Simon's. Then I headed to Tobi's and Ethan's and put there's in their mail box. Then I came back home and placed Josh's letter on his desk side table for him to wake up to, he was currently asleep in the guest room. Then I gave the Cal's theirs, they were all going to read in the morning.
I snuck back into my room and grabbed my phone, loading up Instagram. I took a picture of side of my face, it was stained a patchy bright pink.
"Goodbye" I wrote in the text and posted it to my story.
Venturing into the bathroom I came across a razor blade that was thick enough to cut through my skin, it was perfect. I began to run me a nice hot bath. My phone buzzed from many different people.
New text from Ethan: hey lad! Saw your story is everything going okay?
Harry: everything is fine, I just need to be alone for some time and I promise you tomorrow I'll explain everything, through paper.
Ethan: okay! Love you lad, see you soon my guy.
I powered off my phone , Ethan was oblivious but that's what I needed right now because he caused chaos and I couldn't do what needs to be done. As I watched my phone power off it quickly showed me that Simon had texted me, I felt alarmed and hopped straight into the bath without my t-shirt on . I played calming music through my MacBook as I watched the ceiling.
' you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are a grey, you'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away ' the words hummed through my mouth as I made the first slit in my arm, at first it hurt but the connection with my arm and the after soothed it, the water began to turn a bloody colour.
I hummed again
' you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are a grey, you'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away '
I made multiple slits in both arms and legs this time, I was beginning to feel weak, it felt nice. I was slowly feeling relieved like I could be free now and that God was going to welcome me into heaven and all my issues would just go away.
I grabbed my phone and texted Simon
*New text from Simon*
Simon: wtf is going on?!
Harry: I love you
I powered off my phone and threw it against the wall, it shattered into trillions of pieces but it didn't wake up non of the boys, they were in a deep slumber, and I will be soon.
' you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are a grey, you'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away '
Bringing the blade to my neck, I shook violently, my breath increased and I slowly digged it into my throat, it was painful and made me leave out a screech. I heard foot steps running to me, my eyes were slowly going as the blood oozed from my neck. It was josh
"What the fuck is going on, you can't do this to me Harry, I'm in love with you man" Josh cried to me
Before I could respond, everything went dark. Dark forever.
For a moment, he was calm and content , so was the world
