Mirror

Shora

I stomped my boots on the porch before entering the house. It wasn't far from the Coffee Shop to home, but the snow had started coming down in quarter-sized clumps and I was dusted from head to toe. The house was heated, but I had trouble feeling warm. Mom and Dad were home it looked like, but there was only silence.

I crept upstairs to the room Kya and I shared. When I opened the door I saw she was sitting at her schoolwork desk. She turned around. "Hey, Litty. What's up?"

"Are you alright?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Do you remember what happened?"

She nodded.

"Can you tell me?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry Litty. I don't know what to tell you at this point."

I didn't say anything for a long moment. "Kya."

"Yeah?"

"I haven't been very honest with you lately."

"I know."

I paused. "I know you know. At least I do now."

Kya stared at the ground. "I was really mad at you. You would go around acting like I didn't matter to you."

"Kya, that's not-"

"You think you're the only one who cares?"

"No!"

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought-"

"You could protect me? Like you protected Danny? And then you forgot about him. Are you going to forget about me too?"

"I didn't forget him intentionally," I said defensively.

"No, but you could have done something about it. Maybe if you were more honest with him."

"More honest? I tried-"

"Not hard enough."

That hurt. I felt tears spring into my eyes. Not hard enough? I wasn't trying hard enough? I opened my mouth to retort and then remembered something Mr. Raynor used to say. Lies taste bitter, but they don't hurt. Truth can hurt. "You're right." I said as tears rolled down my cheeks. "You're right." I said again. Each time my throat tightened and my stomach roiled as if my whole body preferred to remain in ignorance of my cowardice. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apology," Kya said dully.

"I know, so I won't apologize to you again, but I'll prove it instead. I'll tell you everything."

"A little too late," Kya whispered.

"A little too late," I agreed.

I stared hard at the clock. 3:24. Kya had long ago fallen asleep. I couldn't sleep because I kept trying to remember.

3:25. My hand began to sting. I pressed it to my cheek and recoiled. It was really hot. I looked away from the clock and stared at the ceiling, flexing my hand and trying to ignore the pain.

3:26. I bit my hand hoping to make the pain go away. 3:27. I wrapped my hand in a blanket because I was pretty sure I drew blood. I wouldn't look at it or touch it for five minutes, I told myself, and I wouldn't look at the clock until it felt like five minutes had gone by. I stared at the ceiling again. 3:28. Okay, so it hasn't been five minutes. I just have to wait that amount of time four more times before I look at the clock again. 3:28. No way. 3:28. Is it broken? I poked a button on the digital clock and the radio came on. "Crap. Shut up," I hissed and poked it off. I listened for the sound of Kya waking up. She didn't, so I stared back at the ceiling again. "One, two, three, three." I sat up and wondered if Ethan was awake at this hour.