'What do we do with our lives now?'
I smiled as I looked down at her laying across my lap. I brushed her hair behind her ear as I replied, 'I think this should be the part in our lives, where we don't plan anything, and just let fate decide for us.'
I saw the uncertainty in her eyes before she could even reply. 'So it's not the end?'
'No, not even close'.
She tried getting up and I tightened my grip on her as she winced in pain.
'It hurts, doesn't it?' I stated, more than asked.
'It does, but you were right, this isn't the end.'
I tried to smile along with her, but I saw the tears In her eyes and I wished I could take all that pain away. I wished I could make her happy like she used to be, before this all happened. I knew regretting it was absolutely useless and I knew what happened wasn't my fault. Seeing her like this was completely and utterly devastating, yet I wouldn't trade this moment for the world. I'm thankful I get to spend these precious moments with her, I just hope they weren't her last.
'I love you.' she croaked.
'I love you too.'
'We never got the chance to do all the things we wanted to do together.'
I felt the tears burning my eyes and the feeling of a ball lodged in my throat as she uttered something I was trying to forget, the chances we had that were taken from us, the life we were going to live and the moments stolen.
'We will though. You still owe me dinner, don't think you're getting away with that.'
She laughed for a second before she winced again. My eyes wandered away from her pain filled face, down to her battered body, I listened closely to the strain in her voice as she started talking, 'I'm glad I have you to keep me strong, just like you always have.'
I looked away from her blood stained jacket, and to her face, about to tell her to stop talking before she hurt herself more, but she gave me a look that told me to shut up and listen, and so I did.
'I'm glad you're here with me, I know how much life has taken from you and how unfair it is for someone so young to experience the loss you have at such an early stage in your life. You have to stay strong though. Be as strong as you taught me to be, and one day it'll all be worth it. One day someone will be there for you, and they'll be your forever ." She continued.
I shook my head as I smiled at her. 'Save the theatrics for a different day, beautiful. This', -I motioned to our messy hair, wounds and blood stained clothes-'is not the end.'I looked into her tearful eyes, that were filled with doubt and acceptance for a few moments before I repeated-'it's not the end'-but we both knew my voice lacked the conviction it held before. I felt my own eyes fill up with tears once more, as I looked her over.
'You keep saying that' she mumbled tiredly.
'I keep saying it because it's true, the paramedics will be here soon and they'll help you. I know you're exhausted, I know you're hurt, but you have to stay awake.'
I jumped as soon as I heard a crash downstairs and the heavy footsteps on the floorboard. Reaching for my gun I held it in my hands tightly, I looked towards the staircase and waited for them to come. I wouldn't let them hurt her though, I'd protect her until I took my last breath and felt the life leaving my weak and worn out body. I looked back into her tearful eyes one last time, they were already beautiful and the tears just make them look like the ocean on a stormy night, where the waves would crash into rock and ship alike, and the wind would howl so angrily, you'd think it was a wailing widow.
She tightened her firm grip on my hand and tried to look brave, though I could see her fear clearly.
'Go hide, I'm already a goner. Please, go save yourself. Leave me here and go, at the end of the hall there should be a room, I saw It earlier . You have to go and save yourself! Why aren't you moving. Please go!!'
Her pleading became hysteric and the tears flowed down her cheeks freely, washing away some of the dirt that resided there. Her skin was flawless before this, now it was all bruised and scratched up and there would probably be a couple scars. I wiped the dirt covered skin under her eyes.
'I'm not going anywhere.' I stated and even if I could move, I wouldn't.
I heard the clattering downstairs come to a halt and assumed they had found the staircase so I gently lifted her head off my lap as I turned my body around completely to get a better view as well as a better aim.
I wished that I could at least have the ability to stand up and face them, but I couldn't, and that was that. I heard stomping and a loud bang and then all my eyes could see was white. I blinked as my eyes tried to adjust to the light emitting form the flashlight.
'NYPD, put your hands where I can see them.'
'She's hurt and she needs help. Please help us!' I looked around trying to find someone who looked like they could help. All I saw were there guns and flashlights. Until someone started pushing their way through holding a medical kit.
'Drop the weapon!' The guy in the front was still yelling and the paramedic was being held back by two other guys. Everything I was trying to tell him was drowned out by the yelling and him barking orders at me. The rest of the team spread out to look for anyone else in the room but I knew they wouldn't find anyone.
She loosened her grip on my hand, I placed the gun down and slowly putting my hands up, I tried to scoot away form her without the use of my legs but it wasn't working. I wanted to turn around and check on her but as soon as I did I heard the click of a gun and froze. All I could hear was my heart pounding.
'I said step away from her. Now!'
I put my hands up higher slowly, so they wouldn't shoot me.
'I can't move my legs.'
I heard one of them come up from behind me and had to refrain myself from picking up the gun and shooting him, but he didn't do anything, he merely picked her up and placed her a couple feet away from me, then placed two fingers on the side of her neck. I held my breath hoping-praying that he would find something, that his lips would utter something that would fill me with hope, but it was to no avail, I felt my own heart stop at the next words that came out of his mouth and I wanted to bash his head into the ground.
'No pulse.' he muttered shaking his head.
Those two words. That was all it took for my world to come crashing down. It felt like I was drowning. They let the paramedic go to her immediately and I watched through blurry eyes as they all started moving again. All I could focus on was her still form lying there helplessly.
From that moment on, I couldn't feel anything inside. They were all yelling, but I could barely feel them when they stepped up to me and put me in handcuffs.
'You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law...' I tuned out the phrase that was way too familiar.
I felt the tight grip of the handcuffs digging into my wrists, but I didn't bother telling him that he put them on too tight. I looked towards her, all I could think of was how I had failed her, I was supposed to protect her, make her happy and make sure she had everything she needed. Protecting her was my responsibility. I swore I would and I couldn't keep my promise. I saw them rip open her shirt, take her jacket off and untie the knot I had tied to stop the blood flow. They had their med kit out and proceeded to bandage her wounds to prevent further bleeding.
'Clear', the paramedic yelled. That was the last thing I remembered before I collapsed onto the ground.
