poetic ᶜᴴᴱᴺˢᵁᴺᴳ ✔

열여섯.

the silence is now mutual.

I don't know what
I was thinking at the
moment—it wasn't
what I intended.
and I definitely
knew that what
came out of my
mouth wasn't right.

I said it wrong, more
and more lies dripping
from my mouth despite
your expression that
changed every second
that passed; sadness.

I ignored it and continued.

"we can't be friends
anymore," I whispered,
wishing that you didn't
hear me—but you did.

I was too selfish. and I
experienced it in the
worse way possible.
the pain from before,
the pain when I tried
to fake my happiness
was now like paradise.
paradise I wanted to
go back.

I made it even worse,
please, Jisung, forgive me.
I beg you.

all I did was love you.
all you did was love me.

though not in the same way
and I'm sorry for that too.
but the friendship
we had was enough.
it was enough for me.

I'm sorry, I'm
so deeply sorry.

I'm sorry for ruining it,
I'm sorry for loving you.
that's what I meant to say
but was too scared to do.

I want what we had before.
I'm willing to act happy if
that will make you happy.

because I was selfish.

because more than
me hurting I only hate
one thing; and that is when
you're the one hurting.

please, Jisung, come back.

　

　

　

─chenle tore the scrawled page off his personal notebook, crumpling it into one paper ball and threw it into the closest bin just as the bell signalling the end of the lesson rang. he ran away, not sparing any glance to the people he used to think of as friends. the decision was made—he was destined to be forever alone.

and it stung.

it stung a lot.