ache

Chapter One

[as their hands touched the same grass, a quiet hum flew through them. a soft song created between the two. nothing felt more romantic than this field they were settled in.]

he grabbed my hand. shocked, my chin lifting up, my hand still in the grass, my eyes went straight to his. pupils dark, murky iris. (man, this person has everything) i thought. the top of my hand underneath his felt almost intrusive. he was rough, sometimes abrasive, towards me. i didn't know how to react on more than one occasion. i wanted to be off put, but i wasn't. i was infatuated to a dreamlike level. (dreamy...how cliche. is this what i've become? a scrawny little boy with a racing heart and a dirty shirt? apparently) I wanted him to know how I felt. I wanted him to realize how glimmering he is. I can't tell him yet. That'd be a rockslide. I'm not ready for that. Well, maybe i am. i'll save that for later.

As his hand was still pressed on top of mine, i could feel his intentions change from a quiet thought to a wondering presence. He lifted his hand and looked away. His gaze going from my shirt down to the grass. My head tilted to try and match his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was holding out for something more, or if that was my naive imagination sending me riddles to think about. Maybe I'm making all of this up? Like some sort of daydream? Fantasy? His eyes still away from my direction, I moved closer to see his face. My body angled, while my hand still planted in the same spot. By now, my hand left an imprint on the grass. He smirked, and pointed his eyes down again. I shifted once again. I had a hand of concrete. My eyes sparked playfully looking up at his. My head was angled under his face. My lips slightly parted; tongue against the bottom of my front teeth. A little smile as I met with him. A shy laugh escaped him as he lightly rest his forehead on the top of my head. That patch of hair he was resting on, felt warm. A soft ray of sun on the top of my head. Like a minister blessing a child, I felt dignified. Loved. Cared for. He lifted his chin from my hair, slowly leaning back onto the field. He was lying down, still with a small smirk. I didn't move. Hands stuck to the ground. My mouth still open, my stupid grin glued to my face. He kept his eyes on me as i released my hands from the earth and closed my enthusiasm, to "relax" next to him. The white daises scattered among us, the old tree that's seen better days to our right, the calm river to our feet. Our shoes were up by our bikes. I didn't unlace mine. From how often I'd been to and fro, I learned that it's just easier to mangle your shoes' ankles than take the time to individually untie them. He had simple shoes to just slide on. He knew how to make things simple. (Am I thinking too hard?) I shake my hair to release my anxiety. He's none the wiser to what's in my head. I'd like to keep it that way.

He closed his eyes as we lied there. Peaceful. I played with my lips, biting the insides, each corner of my mouth. Restless. The hum still sang though the grass, bouncing though the small trickle of the water. Reminded me of how I lightly pressed the keys on the piano in the living room. The windows bright and open to bask on the chair, the stack of books by the couch, the little flower i put atop the piano like someone leaving a rose on a tombstone. That was my favorite room. I spent all my time there when I wasn't here. I felt like I owned that space. My lungs filled and emptied that room. My fingers putting pressure on the keys to sing. It sang and sang and sang. I felt joy in that room. I felt joy lying in the grass with him.

I rolled onto my side, so my body was confronting his. He propped his arm up to have his torso match my height. He was much taller than me. My ears pushed back and I smirked again. It was still big and bright on my face. I couldn't hide it at this point. I was so antsy for attention even though I was the center of it. I let my head hang, eyes still locked. He adjusted his arm under the weight of his body. His eyes going from my eyes to my mouth and back again. He thought I wouldn't notice. But I did. I crinkled my lip up again against my teeth. My heart started beating so loud in my ears. I felt the rush of blood go from my chest to my arms, up to my head in an instant. I stopped squirming. He was poised as a statue. My head slowly leaning forward, a snail's pace when I wanted to rush to the finish line. I noticed his face getting closer to mine, my eyes still wide open, making sure he was as willing as I was. We never blinked. My nose was at his nose. His nostrils flared as he angled and went for my lips. The rush. The flood of pure adrenaline as my lips followed his in a kiss. A lovely soft, first kiss. He raised his left arm and put his hand to my jaw. Holding it with such tender grace, I could barely feel his hand on me. He was so gentle. His lips, his hands. Our eyes shut tight. Kisses moved between us like conversation. I pulled away and wiped my mouth. A slight blush on my cheeks. He mimicked me. We were both buzzing from what just happened. I moved my whole body up from the grass, only my knees against the green and just looked at him. His arms angled back, holding his torso up. His wrinkled shorts had a daisy that had broken it's stem resting on them. I took the opportunity to pick it up. I got closer to him as I raised it up to his lips. The white of the flower contrasting against his mauve color. I could see his chest raising. He was trying to get closer. I wrestled the little flower between my two fingers, swaying it against his lips and chin. An intoxicating smile rose from him. I felt in control. I knew he wanted something and I could give it to him when and if I chose to. I was in the driver's seat. Him my passenger. Moving my legs so one was on each side of his torso, I inched towards his chest. The flower was still playing. I moved so only the flower was in my way from another kiss. His nose flared as he inhaled a breath. I dropped the flower onto his chest. My hands resting upon both sides of his face. I was an inch away from another treat. I wanted to test the waters. I placed a kiss on his forehead. He let out an exhale, with a nose laugh. I did the same. Back into his eyes, I now placed a kiss where he wanted. Another lovely kiss the way a maiden to a prince would hope for. Or in this case, prince and prince. Another rush of feeling was released throughout me. I'm sure it was the same for him, for he put my face in his hands also. At that moment we were locked. Figuratively and emotionally. For that moment we were pure emotion. Forgetting where we were, or if someone saw. In my adolescence, I could chalk it up to make it look like nothing if anyone were to ask. Him, on the other hand, would have explaining to do. An American coming for the summer, kissing the professor's boy? That'd be one phone call away from an outright scandal. Time didn't exist in this moment though. Nothing mattered except for this.

We release each other from our grasps. His head softly hitting the grass, I still in the same position over him. Hair clouding my eyes to look at how giddy he was, as I hover over his body. I felt strong. Making a man so tough become so weak under my volition. His eyes were closed and a wide smile sprung. Right above his face, I touched his cheek to get him to open his eyes. I wanted him to look at me. I wanted to so this could feel real.

"I'm not one to kiss on the first date," He said, putting my hair behind my ears. I lower my head down in a dead weight. I became shy over his voice. Lifting my head, "Oh so this is a date then?" My head cocked up like a little puppy wanting to lay it on thick to it's owners.

"Shut up" He jokingly put his hand to block our view. I pinched a small bit of the inside of his fingers between my teeth. Just enough to feel, not enough to hurt. He let out a small nuh uh uh, and pulled away.

" We can't get carried away," He sighed. "I don't know about this. I live in your house and even staying in your roo-" I cut him off with a crowd of kisses against his hand.

"Oh c'mon why—" I drug my words out to kiss him longer. I knew we couldn't but that didn't make the thrill any less.

"Elio, hey hey I— (a kiss)— Eli— (a kiss)—" He lifted his body up so he was now sitting. I was rested upon his thighs. I was now also sitting. His hands on my arms, holding them to my sides. Looking at me firmly, "I can't get too carried away."

I fought to move forward for another silly kiss. He shook his head. His eyes closed. "Elio, I can't. I know how this feels. I like it too. I...I can't get too carried away."

I release the tension from my shoulders when he let go of my arms. I looked at him for a second. (what is this carried away stuff?) I looked down to his lap and nodded, "Okay, okay." I agreed. I didn't want to, but I couldn't push any more right now. He set a careful kiss on my forehead before we stood up. Walking back to our shoes, and bikes, I couldn't help but smile like a kid. That moment never happened before. I didn't know a moment like that, so fierce yet so comfortable, existed. I wanted to hold that forever.

I put my shoes on, and hopped on my bike. One foot holding down the pedal as the other was free. He was just standing there. He hadn't even slid his shoes on.

"Yeah?" I asked, dancing my wheels on the gravel. His hands on his hips, he stared out onto the water.

"Yeah" he replied with a big breath. He got ready to go after that. Maybe he was just taking in the moment? He lead the way back to town, as I trailed behind him. It was second nature for me to go in and out of the city. I knew every corner like the back of my hand. I let him lead the way. Maybe we'd get lost and find another field. The dust kicked up as we rode around the corners just outside of the noise. Once we got to town, I knew we had to be different. I knew he knew too. He was pretty adamant about that. No one must ever know the secret we share. I felt like I knew the 8th wonder of the world. All on my lips. I touched them as we got off our bikes to walk. Taking sunglasses out of my backpack, I looked up at him. His already on, and his hair tousled back from the force of the wind. He was so...effortless. 

I looked away before he caught me.