Two lovers

Self destruction

As children, we thought it was impossible to pick between two material toys we both desired.

We wanted both, yet we were told we can only receive one. It was how we grew.

Self destruction starts there. We examine flaws,
the size
to the point where if it's entertaining me for the rest of my life.

She was young, short curly hair, pink cheeks and a smile that melts ice.
Everything changed the moment I saw into her soul.

She was an illegal addiction.

It felt like I was walking on clouds with her, that was.. Until I arrived home to another angel.

I called her mine. My selfless angel who deserved better yet she was only devoted to me.

She was delicate, she was beautiful, she was...  another continent away.

My first love, whom I only knew through a digital screen.

I felt empty, I craved touch, I yearded to me held in my darkest times. I wanted her, I needed her, but she was asleep because of time zone differences. 

As stupid as I was, it was easier to turn to the brown eyed girl that made my heart pace when she looks at me.

It was only a matter of time before the girl that was mine realize something was wrong. Slowly I faded, we talked less, I built a wall to keep out my own girlfriend.

She knew, she knew everything.

I felt like a child again, picking between two women like they are objects. I was ashamed of myself.

I became a person I never know I could be.

I was in love with two women at the same time.

The love of my life or the girl that made me feel alive?

I was hurting her more than myself.

Nights felt lonlier, the day felt heavy.

An angel was falling apart as I stood there and watch her.

Every tear that left her eyes were for me. She begged and pleaded but it fell on deaf ears.

I watch the love of my life break into pieces because I was selfish.

Was I a bad person to feel nothing?
I thought I wasn't.

Then again, that was until I found out the brown eyed girl never cared about me at all.