Little Loser Family

Introducing...

"Fae, you remember our group nicknames?" Fiyero asked excitedly.

"Of course I do! How could I ever forget?" Elphaba grinned.

"You see, Irji, my boy, there were six of us-"

"Seven."

"Whatever. Fae, your roomie was only an honorary member."

"Okay, okay, carry on."

"So, I arrived at Shiz a week late. Classes hadn't started yet. And the first person I met on campus was Tibbett."

"Otherwise known as the Porn King. He was renowned through all of Briscoe Hall for his impressive collection of pornographic magazines and films," Elphaba added.

"He was the one who told me about the nitty-gritties of Shiz to begin with. This was how we went on..."
***
Nineteen years earlier

Fiyero walked on to the campus. He approached the administration office. The man at the desk asked, "New student?"

"Yes, sir!" Fiyero replied.

"Vinkus? What's the name?"

"Fiyero Tigelaar, Crown Prince of the Arjikis."

"Wait a minute," the man said, flipping through a file, before clearing his throat and saying, "I'm sorry, my dear boy, but you've been assigned Briscoe Hall."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Briscoe Hall is full of losers and layabouts. You'll waste your potential there, my boy. The best thing for you would be to fill an application for changing your hostel. Here, take the form and think about it. You're Ozma Towers material, that's for sure."

"Okay," Fiyero nodded, shoving the form into his bag.

Fiyero looked up at the hostel building. It looked old, and kind of dilapidated. He went up to his room and kept his bags. When he went down to the mess, he was greeted by a boy who looked like he was from the Emerald City. As Fiyero sat down, the boy said, "Hi, I'm Tibbett. Are you new? Which hostel?"

"Um, I'm Fiyero. Yes, I'm new. Briscoe Hall, room 602."

"Oh, so you're my new roomie! Amazing. I've been here a week already."

"So what's it like?"

"If you want good-looking girls, this is the last place you'll find them. They come and go...once in a blue moon...Fucking Oz, that's the literal blue moon!"

Fiyero turned around and looked towards where Tibbett was pointing. A tall, thin girl was walking towards them. She was wearing a navy jacket over a white shirt and loose jeans. Her long hair was in a messy braid slung over one shoulder. She had a slim figure with dark, fiery eyes, defined features and a thin-lipped mouth  set in an oval face. From where Fiyero sat, it seemed as though there was an exotic sort of beauty about her. And that was in spite of- or maybe because of- the fact that she seemed to have emerald green skin. Tibbett chuckled when he saw the lovestruck look on Fiyero's face.

"What?" Fiyero snapped, annoyed.

"She's wickedly sexy, isn't she?"

"I...I guess so. She's definishly got personality," Fiyero mused.

"If I know it right, her name's Elphaba Thropp. She's the Thropp Third Descending, so the heir apparent to the Eminency of Munchkinland. Even if you have the same status, you don't stand a chance with her. Forget you, no-one does. Not even Avaric, and he is the Margreave Descending of Tenmeadows. Which makes him the most eligible bachelor in this quad. He approached her on day one, and, quite literally got fried. So I'd advise you to watch your step around her."

"Whatever. I'll try to get her, however hard it may be. I'll melt her, mark my words," Fiyero said determinedly.

"All the best, my dear boy. But you'll need to get trained up, and I'll do it for you. And, in case you wanted to know, she's a Crage Hall girl. She topped all her classes back in school, and she's still one of the toppers here. But she's got one hell of an acid tongue."

"What does that even mean?"

"She's fiery. Her speech is far from lady like in any way. And she speaks fluent sarcasm."

"I'll keep that in mind. What about training?"

"Wanna come out to our room?" Tibbett offered, his eyes shining.

"Of course!" Fiyero jumped up.

They climbed up the hostel staircase and entered the room. Tibbett beckoned Fiyero close  and dramatically drew aside a tablecloth, revealing an impressive collection of contraband content- from regional to national, from magazines to videos. All unfiltered pornography. Fiyero involuntarily cringed.

Tibbett made a soft clicking noise with his tongue and drawled, "Oh, you poor, innocent forest baby! Looks like you've got an awfully long way to go. But no fear- the Porn King is here. I'll teach you the art of cavorting with your little prince, so that, when the time comes, that little baby will be excited enough to keep the lady of your dreams happy."

Fiyero looked confused for a moment before nodding his head and saying, "Okay, I got it. Thanks."

He followed Tibbett out to the balcony. He noticed a roguishly handsome, muscular, blond man leaning against a pillar in the opposite balcony, talking to another one who had a smoking joint between his fingers. Fiyero asked Tibbett, "Who are they?"

Tibbett whispered back, "The blond guy is Avaric. Gillikinese, third year, the college poster boy and resident alcohol expert. We call him 'The Mixer'. The other guy is Crope, our 'Stoner Man'. He's everyone's favourite chain-smoker, and my darling boyfriend."

"Wait, so you're-"

"I go both ways, Tigelaar. It'd do you good to know that. Want me to introduce you guys now?"

"Oh, yes, of course," Fiyero grinned weakly.

Tibbett dragged Fiyero to the where the other two were standing. He clapped Crope on the shoulder. Crope turned around and greeted Tibbett exuberantly and hugged him saying, "Ozma be damned! Tibbs, I had no idea you were here too!"

"I wanted to surprise you, weed boy," Tibbett winked. "By the way, I wanted to tell you, here's a new member for our gang. This is Fiyero Tigelaar, Crown Prince of the Arjikis, Finest Hunter of the Thousand Year Grasslands, blah blah."

"Hmm, Hello, Prince Charming," Avaric smirked.

"Prince Charming? Really?" Fiyero chuckled.

"Look, hero boy. Everyone in this hostel has a nickname. I'm Weed Boy. Av here is our Mixer. Tibbs here is The Masticator," Crope explained patronisingly.

"Masticator?" Fiyero enquired.

"You'll get it eventually. Relax," Avaric grinned. "Meet me in the Chemistry lab tomorrow. I'll have something for you."

"Okay," Fiyero replied. On the way back, Tibbett said, "Why, congratulations. Mixer already likes you. If he's called you to the Chemistry lab, you're in for a big privilege."

"I sure hope so," Fiyero said. He hoped that things would go well.