Fading away. (Karmy)

Chapter 16

Shane's POV

Amy and Karma had left me and Liam to talk as they had gone up to the bedroom to have sex, ever since they got back together thats all they've been doing.

I sat on the sofa just staring at Liam, it just didn't feel real, I had been waiting for this moment for so long and it still felt like a dream.

"Shane, stop staring at me I feel uncomfortable."

"Sorry, I just can't believe you're actually here. What was prison like? I know you had problems but do you think prison changed you?"

"Let's not talk about it, I better go home."

"Alright bro, I'll see you soon."

"Yeah."

I nodded and watched Liam walk out the door, I made my way to the kitchen to get a drink and noticed that Liams bag was on the floor, I opened it and saw he had the odd few pieces of paper that had my name on it, these were letters, letters he never sent.

Shane,

I really wanted to send you these letters but they haven't really been worth it but I think I've had enough now. Prison is driving me crazy, I am going to burn all these letters to you as they mean nothing to me now, I guess I wrote them as a little diary entry, I wrote them to get everything off my mind, you're all i've been thinking about in here Shane and thats why I'm writing this too you.

I never did anything Shane and you need to believe me. I never raped Karma, but I did hurt other people. my life has been a whirlwind and a bumpy ride, I lost the girl who meant the absolute world to me and I guess it all just got to me, I guess everything seemed like a total blur and i thought no girl would ever love me again, it was stupid to think that but after Karma broke up with I guess my confidence shattered. I didn't want her to be with anyone but me and I tried so hard to get her back but she has fallen head over heels for Amy and that's something I have to live with.

I can't wait to get out of prison, I have been called many names in my life but never have I felt so small in prison people were calling me a rapist and that made me feel so low because I have never been called that in my life and it isn't true.

Everyone thinks my life is perfect but it's not. You know I fake a smile everytime I am in prison and I bet I will still be pretending to smile once I am out but the thing is I don't think my smile will ever be geunine again, prison has changed me and not for the better.I've got beaten up everyday for a whole year in jail, and it will only stop once I'm out. I miss my family and friends but mainly you Shane, you are constantly on my mind and to be honest I didn't think you meant that much to me but you really do.

I just wanted to say that I'm done so fucking done, I will forever be having nightmares of prison and my guilt of hurting other people, I mean I may not have raped Karma but I did assult some girls in the club and I will always feel guilty for that.

I am sorry for everything Shane, I really am but it's time to let go, to finally be free, and to be honest you're the only person who has ever made me happy and I just want you to know that I will always be looking down you. I think you have guessed by now I am ending my life. But these letters will never get to you so you'll never know what I'm doing and you'll never know how I really feel about you and that's a good thing I guess.

You're the only reason in why I have been hanging on for so long but I don't want to feel like this, my life is hanging on by a thread and I don't want to feel so depressed, maybe suicide is an easy way out but I feel like it's my only option, I'm not doing it for attention, I'm doing it so I can feel no pain. Thank you for being being a big influence in my life, you are everything I want to be and I want to thank you for being such an amazing best friend, I love you Shane and I'll never forget you and hope you never forget me.

I dropped the letter on the floor and ran out of the house, i needed to tell Liam how I felt about him, I can't live without him. I couldn't let him commit suicide, he meant the world to me and if he did I would do the same.  I just hope that I can save him in time, I needed to start from the beginning and tell him everything, I just hoped he felt the same way about me.

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