All In The Name Of.... // Nikki Sixx X Tommy Lee

Chapter 13 - Vices

Chapter 13 -  Vices

Nikki’s POV - 

I guess Tommy didn’t appreciate my ‘one, two’ invitation. He can’t say I didn’t try to make amends. As much as I love words, I’m a lyricist after all, I have a really difficult time using them to express the more tender of emotions. Anger, puffery, mockery, foolishness, and lunacy are all easy to assert. The emotions that dwell in the heart though, are tough for me to emote or talk about. 

I know that I’ve been an asshole to Tommy, yet I miss him. We always have fun together during these pre-show times, but I can’t bring myself to tell him otherwise. It’s a sign of weakness to me, a loss of control. I just can’t do it. The best I could do is offer him some fun, but I guess it pissed him off further. I don't know how to do any better with him. 

I brought the young lady back to my dressing room. I placed her hands on the top of my lace-up fly, and told her that we better get on with the special VIP tour so that she wouldn’t have to keep her boyfriend waiting even longer. I thought that was kind of dick thing to say, but I wanted to make sure that she was definitely game for this. She was, because she immediately began unlacing my pants. She took them down, then I pushed her head downward toward my erection. 

After a few minutes, I gently pulled her up and put my mouth on her neck. She meekly pleads with me to not leave any marks. I decide to respect that. So, I then moved onto her blouse. I removed it, along with her bra…. hell, I remove everything. After pulling my feet out of my leathers, I move her to the couch in the room, and just fucked her good. 

She screamed and moaned the whole time. She had at least 2 orgasms. It felt fucking incredible. While we were still panting from our final climax, she looked at me with her sincere, brown eyes, and said that I was the best fuck she ever had. That’s all I needed to feed my ego to go out to face Tommy. She and I both got dressed, and I escorted her out to one of the stage hands, to help her find her seat in the arena. I asked where she was sitting. She said it was up close, a few rows back center, left. I told her that I’d look for her during the show, and that when I play ‘Ten Seconds to Love’ that I’ll be thinking of our tryst. I also told her to be sure to thank her boyfriend for the birthday gift. Wink.

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I feel good coming back out to the backstage area. I think we'll have a good show. Wait, how can I forget, a few more lines of blow. I run back to my dressing room to snort. Even though I feel good from the sex, I still need this powder shit to me get through. I'll look like I'm having the time of my life out on the stage. Funny though, that none of these guys have any idea just how broken and fragile I am inside. Without the drugs and alcohol, it would become evident.

Most of my bad attitude and asshole antics are in place as a defense mechanism. At least when it comes to relationships. In all other aspects of my life, it’s the real deal. My shitty childhood turned me into a hell bent rebel, who decided that I was never going to allow people to push me around and tell me what I can and cannot do anymore. When it comes to my music, the business of the music, the industry, and all of the douchebags within the industry, I will always do what I want to do and get what I want to get. No one will stand in my way, and I don’t care who I have to step on to get it done. My drive and attitude for these things are 100% core driven and 100% who I am. I have all the confidence in the world to achieve all my dreams and goals for the band and my music. 

However, the same shitty childhood has also turned me into a self-loathing, introverted, insecure, basketcase. I was abandoned by both of my parents. Complete abandonment by my father, and pushed aside by my mother for more important things, like her boyfriends who abused me. That made me feel nothing but unwanted and unlovable. My grandparents raised me. They are the only 2 people in this world who have ever truly loved me, even when I started to rebel and became difficult to control. How did I show my appreciation in more recent years? By distancing myself when my grandmother was dying, not showing up to her funeral, and leaving my grandfather alone in his grief. The most regretful actions of my life. These are the things that bring me to my knees.