lost

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i don't think i have ever been this lost ever in my life.
i finish high school this year, i have to find the school i'll get my degree at. i have to move out. i can't stay in this house. i have to find a way out.
i am trapped here. i'm holding on to something that isn't real.
i am losing myself to the world. & i don't know how to find myself again.
i am so deep inside my own head.
i am so deep into the perfect life.
i am so deep in my thoughts.

i'm holding on onto nothing. i don't know my purpose here in this world. i don't know why i am here. i don't know why everything is happening to me like it is. i don't know what i am supposed to do.
i need guidance.
i am so lost. i am by myself.
sometimes i think that it i disappeared people wouldn't notice.
i want to leave, i want to escape, to disappear.
i don't want to be here anymore. i hate the people here.

i feel empty. this is the feeling.
i don't feel. but i wish i could feel.
i got so much cash somehow  i still feel poor.
nothing is worth my time. i don't care about anything.
the only time i feel is when i fuck up and i fucking hate me.

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