Nothing any of these boys do will break her heart.
That's what Lola tells herself every day. Chants it like a mantra. Because it's not allowed to hurt. It's not allowed to be real.
They're not allowed to break her heart, because they can't. She won't let them.
They're allowed to fall in love and she's not going to care. Caring is nothing but a waste of time, especially when everyone she cares about will move on to - well, they can't move on to better things, she tells herself, a little smug and a little high, but they'll move on. So she's not allowed to get attached.
But she's lying.
Because when Nikki's not around, she feels it like a physical ache, whether she wants to or not. He's been there for so long it's like she's missing a limb. When Vince pulls her close, holds her tight, all she can think about is how they're delaying the inevitable, how he doesn't smile at her like he used to, how he'd rather be with Sharise; he doesn't say it out loud, but the insecurity won't leave her mind. And Tommy... he's so close but so, so far away. She'd loved that drummer from the moment she met him, just about, had been the first person she'd been able to admit that too, and he'd thrown it in her face in a moment of anger. She's terrified that if she touches him, feeling the way she feels, she'll burn him.
They don't even realise they're breaking her heart.
They don't think she has one, not really.
She's a toy they can fuck when they're bored, shiny and plastic with no heart to break.
So she tries to believe it.
Nothing these boys can do will break her heart.
But Tommy's parents are coming to a show, and Lola thinks she's going to scream.
"Lola!" When Doc ushers them into the lobby of the venue, and Lola's on her way to find the bar, she feels her heart stop in her chest at the bright greeting Tommy's father offers her, "it's so lovely to see you, and to see you're still with the band!"
"I'm really moving up in the world," she plasters on a smile and hears the words come out of her mouth, but doesn't really seem to register them.
"That's right, you two know Miss Gone," Doc's smiling amicably, like he and Lola weren't shouting at each other just half an hour ago, "she's the band's assistant manager now."
"Congratulations," Tommy's mother says with surprising fondness, a knowing gleam in her eyes as she pulls Lola in for a hug. When she steps back, she smiles, "Tommy always spoke so highly of you." Something about her tone, about that look, it has a lump forming in Lola's throat, and it's all she can do to smile and leave as fast as possible, tears pricking her eyes.
When she gets backstage, with a bottle of Jack in each hand and a dead-eyed stare, Nikki's busy with a groupie by the sound of it, Tommy's in the auditorium, loud and excited as he gives his parents the full tour, and so Lola sits in Vince's dressing room as he gets ready, the two of them taking a few bumps, drinking most of a bottle between them, and if she goes down on him, she does it because she's bored, not because she likes hearing the way he moans her name, his hands fisted in her hair.
There's a knock at the door followed by a moment of silence, in which Vince let's out a very strained 'just a minute' and Lola's trying not to laugh with his dick in her mouth. Doc's sigh is loud enough that they can both hear it through the door.
"Vince, Tommy's looking for you," he sounds so unbelievably beleaguered, and Lola won't even begin to process what he's saying, but she sits back on her heels so she can laugh, "and Lola?" Doc asks like he doesn't want her to actually be in there, to spare his weary existence from having to have confirmation of their activities.
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Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx | The Dirt}
Fanfiction" the girl is crafty like ice is cold. " Nikki and Lola met before they were Nikki and Lola, before Motley Crue, before they were even eighteen; they were just two shitty teenagers, looking to escape their shitty childhoods. So together they turn in...
