NYE: Entry #40

The Discovery

The charming man who stood with his back to the door had turned and smiled to her. She returned it warmly and invited him in, along with the rest of his family– his wife and children.

"Hey, Agnetha." His voice was deep and worn. He had been sick the week previous and the cold was wearing off, but she could tell he was exhausted.

"Hi, come in!" She smiled to the rest of the family, who greeted her in a similar fashion and then went on as if she were just an acquaintance. Björn allowed them all to walk ahead of him and walked slow purposely to give time for Agnetha to catch up to him.

"How are you?" he asked calmly.

"I'm well," Agnetha smiled to him. "You?"

"I'm fine," he answered. They had said nothing more but the simple exchange satisfied them well enough to begin the party.

The two former lovers hadn't seen one another since the last recording in the studio several months ago. True, they had spent the last 38 years divorced and the only conversations to be engaged were regarding their children and grandchildren. They agreed it was a "happy divorce," whatever that meant. They had accepted their new lives and moved on— or so, each one had thought. Their relationship had morphed from romantic to professional almost immediately, which is in tact with the recent years as they had begun a new project reuniting the four members into the same studio. Most things said were like a transaction as they juggled their lives through ABBA, their children, and so on. It was the only relationship they knew now, despite every taunting memory of the love they shared and still secretly hold.

Agnetha had become more reserved, Björn had noticed over the years, and though he knew whatever the papers told of her were a lie, some of those lies he began to comprehend why they were believed. He had almost believed them too at some point. For hours he watched her from afar, only to become distracted with conversations. He'd glance over slyly, then divert his attention again whenever his wife called him.

She was mostly a quiet woman around company, but at home completely outspoken and didn't hesitate to speak against him. It had been that way from the first year of marriage. He had learned after his marriage with Agnetha how to run his second– the woman is always correct and not to make a fuss of something that will bring you more headache. He learned things the hard way when Agnetha had left him and he knew he couldn't survive failing another relationship, especially after having another two kids after he remarried.

Björn turned to the woman beside him who still controlled his entire being, even if it was just as simple as breathing.

"Agnetha, is everything okay?" he asked her quietly.

"Yes," she smiled as she sat cross-legged. "Why do you ask?" Björn shrugged off his concern.

"No, nothing. You're quiet."

"It's only that I'm tired," she said in honesty.

"Long day?" he asked.

"Yes, it was. I got busy with Linda... making things..." she shook her head and chuckled a deep laugh he absolutely adored all his life. Though she wasn't lying, Agnetha was quiet because her mind was still running in circles. Her notebook could be anywhere and all she wanted was to search for it. Her thoughts were mentally searching every room in the house, but most of those rooms she didn't even enter into that day. Her eyes were growing tired and it was only 10 PM, and it wasn't because she was still an early sleeper. Her eyes were exhausted from crying over the lost journal.

An hour later had found the family scattered in all places through the house. Linda and Isabelle in the kitchen, Christian, Jens, Emma, Anna and Calle in the family room, Agnetha running after Nike, and Björn with Lena and their grandchildren in the family room as well. Björn lost interest in the woman who nagged at him all day and instead found a fascination with the home. It had changed over the years, renovations and additions. The things that made it a home, he adored. The warm fireplace, the kitchen everyone ran around and the walls with family portraits. Each step he took made him feel like he was instead in a museum gallery of the family he had built years ago with Agnetha. It began to make sense for him why she was a homebody. She adored family most and it's what the walls of her home hung. No display of trophies or awards, but a very humble collection of family images.

Before Björn had realized, he was walking towards a long hall as he continued studying the images. The voices he began to overhear made him realize he had probably gone too far along in the house. His head peaked into the study with only a  lamp that lit the scene. It amused him as he hadn't really been in that particular area before. Giggling voices from two girls were emerging bringing him to chuckle.

"Signe?" he knew it was her and her cousin. Were they hiding under the desk, he wondered. The laughter came to an end, horribly, but each one crawled out from beneath.

"What are you two doing down there?" he asked. "It's nearly the New Year and you two are going to miss it."

"Hi, grandpa!" They laughed almost simultaneously.

"Why don't we go out there before we miss the New Year?" Signe had come up on both feet and placed a little book on the desk. Her cousin ran out of the room first as she was intimidated because it was a place she didn't really know. Björn felt both of them pass him quickly and suddenly he was the only soul in that room. He looked around briefly as he smiled to himself. His eye caught onto the brown leather book just before he walked out. Björn wondered what it was they were so giggly about. A girly secret, he presumed. He never took Signe to carry such a sophisticated looking book at this age. It's a personal one and that was for certain. He shuffled through it with a smirk on his face before he realized what was before him.

He recognized the handwriting immediately. No one could ever write like her. The pages were wearing and as he flipped through the book, pages began to automatically open on their own from the images tucked inside.

It all had become serious for him once he realized what it was he saw and he could hardly believe he was holding that image once again. He couldn't believe what was in front of him and what he had landed on.

What broke his heart wasn't the image of him and Agnetha on their wedding day, it was the dates of every entry in her journal. He noticed it was every single New Year's Eve beginning 1978. He closed the book and sighed roughly from the overwhelming pain he felt due to how many times she had written about their relationship and about Björn even if it was indirect, as most of it was. He fought the urge to pick it up and read but he was halfway through the first page when he realized he didn't care anymore. He had to know what she had to say. It was a sensitive time then and he would never know how she truly felt if he never reads.