Read It And Weep (Anthony Rizzo)

Twenty Three~ Control

Anthony

Manny's surgery went really well and they got his entire thyroid out. Of course that comes with complications of its own since it controlled so much of his body, but there's hormone treatment that helps his body regulate what it needs to with the gland gone. And even though the cancer is gone he still has to do two months of chemo due to the type of cancer he had.

But after a few days in the hospital they let him come home to recover. And I know that I have a lot to focus on myself, I promised him I was going to be around to help out and hang out with him every chance I get.

So I chill at his place and help his grandparents care for him while his sister was out trying to change the world. He wasn't doing too bad, just couldn't talk all that much right now. His wound was still fresh and I know he's in a lot of pain but he was staying strong.

"How much pain reliever do you want" I ask him as I get our lunches made.

"All of it" he mumbles making me laughs.

"Okay. Two pills it is" I chuckle.

I get our food made and grab his medicine before taking it to him in the living room. I set everything out and make sure he's comfortable before sitting down myself to eat.

"Can I ask you something" I wonder. He just nods his head not really wanting to talk more than he needed. "Your sister... what does she think of me" I ask.

He laughs at me and I try not to get nervous but I couldn't help it. "She likes you Anthony. She's got a awful way of showing it, but she does. And she might not admit it, but simply because she doesn't know how. She doesn't understand men. She doesn't get why dad would leave and never talk to her again, she doesn't get why grandpa is so isolated, she doesn't get why I would give up so much just to see her happy.

And she certiantly doesn't understand things when it comes to you. And it's nothing you've done wrong, that's just how she is. She's so in her head over thinking everything, trying to figure everyone out.

I know you guys had a rough start but she cares about you. She really does. She might not show it in the way other people do, she's pretty weird. But I promise you she cares" he insists.

"But does she like me like me" I wonder.

"That is something you're going to have to ask my sister about" he claims.

"I'm scared" I admit.

"And I don't blame you. All my friends always found her attractive but none of them fared very well. But you guys are different. Even when she wanted nothing to do with you she still let you in. Part of her still wanted you.

That has to mean something" he insists.

I just sit there as I lose my appetite. I really wasn't that hungry anymore. I had a lot to think about and not a lot to go off of.

So I helped him finish eating before he went to his room for his nap. His pain medication was strong and made him drowsy so he needed to sleep it off.

I clean up a little and make sure he's doing okay. Eventually Hannah comes home and she helps me take care of him. It was kinda awkward at first, neither of us knew what to say to each other. But eventually we collapse on the couch and end up talking.

"How are you holding up" I wonder.

"I'm fine" she claims. But I wasn't buying it.

"Come on Hannah. After all we've been through I think you should be able to talk to me" I insist.

She lets out a long sigh as she shakes her head. "It's so funny because I'm known for knowing what to say when no one else wants to speak. My words are everything to me.

And when it comes to things like this... I got nothing" she explains.

"You have a lot to say Han, you just don't know how to say it" I insist.

"Right" she shakes her head. "It's so frustrating, I feel like everything is coming down around me and I can't control it. My brother is sick, my grandparents are getting really old and I'm trying to quit my job" she explains.

She throws her face in her hands and I felt awful. I know times were tough for her right now. But I also know she was tougher. "Come here" I insist as I grab her waist and pull her into me. She rests her head on my chest and I thought my heart was going to stop.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess" she sniffles.

"You shouldn't apologize for things out of your control" I insist.

"Then can I apologize for the way I've treated you? Because as a reporter it's important that I admit fault. And I couldn't have been more wrong about you" she claims.

I smile to myself because it only took her over two months but she finally came clean. "Can I tell you a secret" I wonder.

"Sure" she admits.

"I like you" I say and her sniffles stop. She picks her head up and looks up at me. I catch a tear as she stares right through me.

"Why? What could you possibly like about me" she questions.

"I like how you're your own person. You're not following in anyone's footsteps, you're making the mold all on your own. You don't take shit from anyone no matter what and it takes a lot of balls to do that. You care for your brother like he's your own kid. And he loves you so much, everything you do for him he appreciates. You have this kind of personality that even when I didn't want to like you, I still did. I saw how my friends looked at you, talked about you. It doesn't take much to realize that you know what you're talking about. You know your numbers but also know that it's more than what shows up on the score sheet" I explain.

"Since when did you like me" she wonders.

"A part of me always liked you. I mean, besides your incredible looks and passion you're still a great girl who wants to do good. Who wants to try and right all the wrongs we've become accustomed to.

But if I had to pick out one moment it was when you came to my laugh off for cancer event. That was when I realized that you're so much more than what you say. Even when your words won't come out I can still know what you want to say" I say.

"I'm still scared. About my job, about Manny, about my grandparents, about you..." she trails off.

"What about me" I ask carefully.

"I told myself I wasn't going to get close to you. And now I don't know what I would ever do without you" she claims. I start to smile and she sends me a playful glare. "Stop smiling" she demands.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry" I defend. "I just want sure if you felt the same."

"I don't know what I feel" she claims.

"That's alright" I assure her as I move a piece of hair out of her face. "You have a lot to worry about right now and I shouldn't be one of them" I insist.

"But I feel bad. Especially now that I know that you like me" she admits.

"Again. Don't feel bad about what you can't control. Focus on what you can" I say.

"And what's that" she asks. "What all do I control?"

"So much more than you know" I promise.