One Eighty

Chapter One, An End

The second I hear those words, I explode.

"Mary committed suicide, I'm so..."

I stopped hearing, I stopped breathing, I just stopped. My whole world stopped in those 3 words. I can't believe she went through with it. I knew how depressed she was. I knew I did everything I could for her, at least until she decided that I wasn't a person to her.

It took me an eternity to move. I finally hang up the phone and and I collapse onto the ground in the classroom. It feels like a part of me was ripped out and left a gapping hole where my heart belongs. I don't what to do. what am I supposed to do? I want to scream right now, but I'm in the middle of school, so I can't have a reaction. Maybe I'll go to the office. Yes, that's a good idea, I just have to make it through one hallway and then I'll be there and then can cry.

I make it to the office and before get in the door I'm in tears. Immediately the lady at the front desk takes me to the back conference room and gives me a bottle of water. I just cry and cry. I really do hate crying. It is quite unpleasant and I rather stab myself in the foot than show my emotions. But this isn't something I can will away. Instead, I throw the bottle against the wall and just yell.

"What has you so upset today?' Asks my guidance counselor, Mr. Twight, as he walks into the room

"My best friend killed herself!" I half yell.

I collapse into a chair and finally start trying to breath again. I finally dry my eyes enough to see him calling someone from his phone. Soon there are enough adults in the room to make anyone feel uncomfortable. They all are staring at me, waiting for me to say something, or do something, but I'm not going to give them that satisfaction.

"We've called your parents and they are trying to get the next flight back. Is there anyone else we can call?" Mr. Twight asks

"Umm, get Mark Wilson, he goes here"

I close my eyes at put my head down on the table. All the memories of us are floating through my head, the good and the bad. I think of the times we had at the beach, talking till midnight on the porch, enjoying the sea breeze. And the fights, we fought over many things, some were more justified than others. We were just so competitive in everything we do, especially in swim. We were right on each others heels during freshman and sophomore year. I finally pulled away from her in speed, and getting put in the top events by our coach and beating her consistently is what drove us apart in the end. Maybe if I had just fought harder. Maybe if I had been nicer. Maybe if I had been more considerate, she would still be alive, just maybe.

Before I can do anything else, I hear someone rush into the room and wrap their arms around me. I take a deep breath and sit up to look at everyone in the room, they are staring at me like I am a purple alien. This is why I don't cry, because people look at you like you are damaged goods. I am not damaged, I am not broken, and they keep on looking at me like I am. I want to get out of this, now.

"Can I just go home please? Mark will you take me home?"

I look at him with hope in my eyes, pleading for him to take me out of here.

"yes, lets go"

Thank god, I stand up and gather my things and begin to walk out the door. I don't trust myself being alone right now. Maybe I'll ask Mark to stay, at least till my parents get home. I notice he is right behind me and just watching me intently. I think he's scared, of me, of what I'll do when I'm home. I have been alone for so long, the past year my life has felt like a prison. I want have friends to cry on, my old friend group back, to be able to lean on each other in this time. All I truly wanted my best friend back, but now I can't even have that.

Finally we reach his car, and he grabs my bag and puts it in the back for me. I am still shaking slightly, unable to control my emotions.

"Mark?"

I look at him with the slightest glimmer of hope in my eyes

"Yes, what's up?"

"When we get to my house, will you stay with me? Please? I just don't really want to be alone right now."

I'm almost in tears again, hoping he will say yes, so I can watch a movie and just be held while I cry. I just need someone to help me forget and let me be me, without self destructing.

"Of course, I was planning on it anyway. I don't trust you alone anyway right now." He smiles at me and drives out of the parking lot.

I zone out as we are driving home watching the same trees, and houses and streetlights go by. Even though I see them everyday, it seems different today, everything just seems different. I want to be home already, but this drive is taking exceptionally long. All I can think about is how much I want Mark and how much I want to scream. By the time we finally pull into my driveway I am working up a nerve I shouldn't be. I haven't said a word to Mark since we've left campus, but it feels natural between us. We've been so close to each other over the years, I guess he just trusts me at this point.

I lead him into the game room, and I curl up on the couch and motion for him to come sit with me. He slides next to me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in. I put my head on his chest and take a deep breath, letting the weight of everything fall off me. I just cry into him until I fall asleep in his arms.