Severus and the Shadow

Childish Tendencies

Fifth through Seventh Year

"How was your summer?" Leticia asked Severus as they sat in their spot, stirring the final ingredients into their potion

"I spent it with Lucius and Narcissa. I hate being a third wheel" he huffed, before asking perfunctorily

"How about you?"

Her summer had been spent teaching children. As usual. With her parents. It was something she loved but the walls of war were closing in on everyone.

"Working with my parents. The usual" she answered with a shrug

"I've made some friends, they know a lot of powerful magic. They say I've got talent" he told her proudly, for once his face not lean and sad.

She knew who they were. Mulciber and Malfoy. Practicing the dark arts. Her brother warned her that they were fame seekers. Severus didn't need to be with them, he wasn't in his heart evil. Or power hungry. He just wanted some respect. Not that Dumbledore would ever enforce that. He only cared about the bright trophies. The marauders. Stupid name.

At some point between first and second year, Severus stopped crying and turned the anger inward. He was an isothermal volcano waiting to explode.

"Of course you have talent. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone" she told him sharply, a little too sharply

"Yes I do. I have to prove I'm good at something besides potions" he pushed, scowl coming back

"To who? Lily?" Leticia asked with a scoff

Lily Evans with her group of perfect friends, head girl, and not a worry in life. And she treated Severus abysmally. As an afterthought when he deserved to be the whole conversation. And now, she was dating James.

It killed Severus. He loved Lily in a way that most guys their age didn't. It wasn't about sex for him. He saw something in Lily that she didn't. 

"Don't talk about her like that" he stood up defensively, chin raised

"Just be careful" she sighed, continuing her turn at stirring

"You have a family Leticia. A good family. You have something to fall back on. I don't. And it's my time now" he told her defiantly

You have me, she thought angrily, pushing down the feelings. This wasn't good at all.

"Okay. If you think it's best for you" Leticia answered back, resignation deep in the pit of her gut.

He sighed, taking the long handled spoon from her, stirring for the next few minutes.

——————

Severus shuffled away from the courtyard as she was walking outside a few weeks later. His hair was hanging in his face, trying to hide a gathering tear with a clenched fist.

"What happened?" she asked, grabbing his arm

"Never mind, it's not your business" he yelled, storming away

Quickly walking out to the courtyard she saw Lily sitting on James' lap, giggling. Sirius and Remus sat by themselves chatting and Peter lazed idly by like a sunbathing animal. Walking closer she heard snippets

"Can you believe he thought you would have dinner with him?" James joked

"We were friends. I don't think he has any one else" Lily stated neutrally

"No wonder he's a weird, ugly freak. Too much time in his books. And I hear he's got a penchant for dark magic" James ranted on, possessively wrapping his arms around her waist