If I'm going to be honest, I don't trust myself.
I don't trust the skip of a heartbeat, when my eyes land on yours.
Nor do I trust the twist in my gut when you pull me in for a hug.
After all, hasn't this all happened before?
Twice now, to be exact.
It starts with him catching my eye,
Followed by an infatuated trance.
Then he and I will have an amazing week or so together,
Until the sweet feeling in my heart disappears.
Twice now, it has left me disgusted at myself.
Twice now, it has made me into a bitch that played with his feelings.
Twice now, I've realized I can't be trusted.
Both times, you were there. In the back of my mind.
It's been 10 months.
I want to believe that this time, it's different.
That my heart and soul has settled for you.
But how can I take that chance?
How can I trust myself to stay fond,
After a week or so has passed?
How can I trade an eternity as your friend,
For a week or so as yours?
I don't want to lose you.
Even if it means I hurt at night.
Even if it means you date other girls.
If I'm being honest, I want you to be mine.
But I can't trust myself to sustain that.
So I'll stay by your side for as long as possible.
As a friend.
- Vi et animo, xzx
