Total Knock Out / Book Two

Chapter Twelve: Heart To Heart

Stanford scrubbed his hand over his face, wincing when the split skin on his knuckles brushed against his hair. He had gone down to the basement after his argument with Logan and her words still echoed in his mind. She had been right, he had said some of the things his mother had done to him to shock her; to get her to stop acting like she knew how to fix everything. To stop acting like she knew how to fix him.

He let out a deep sigh and leaned his head back against the wall, bringing his legs up so he could wrap his arms around them. Now that he had calmed down a bit, had cried until it seemed like he had no tears left in his body, he knew how much of an ass he had been. There was no taking back tonight, no acting like Logan hadn't seen him completely shattered or that Rori hadn't been absolutely terrified of him. The scream she had let out when he had punched the wall a second time would haunt his dreams for God knows how long, just further proving that he was a monster parading around like one of the good guys.

He tensed when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and smiled weakly when Rori poked her head through the doorway, her red hair a rats nest from sleep. She marched right over to him, one small hand curled into a fist, and he lowered his legs when she poked his knee; sliding on arm around her stomach when she plopped down into his lap.

"They make hurted spots not hurt," Rori explained, uncurling her fist and showing Stanford a handful of opened Hello Kitty bandaids. He watched in silence as she peeled back the plastic tabs and applied them all over the bandages Elijah had wrapped earlier, taking extra care to place one over each busted knuckle and the cut on his hand. She placed a gentle kiss on each one after she was done, patting his chest like he was sure Logan had done for her thousands of times.

"You know, Mama says it's not nice to yell," Rori whispered, and Stanford nodded his head slowly. "And she said you only did it because you don't have a nice mama. So you can share mine like a daddy is supposed to, I don't mind."

He tightened his arm around her stomach and laid his head against hers briefly, completely in awe of her. She had been scared out of her mind earlier and yet here she was, offering him a spot in her family like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," Stanford said softly, the band of self loathing that had been tight around his heart easing when she just snuggled into his chest. God knows he didn't deserve for Rori to forgive him and still act like she loved him, but he was grateful for it. It made dealing with his own issues hurt less.

"That's why Mama wanted to meet you. Because you could be scary. But not scary like my real daddy, he's too bad to be a daddy. You're not."

Stanford's heart dropped, stomach flipping like he was going through a free-fall. He knew for a fact that Rori wasn't meant to know about her real father, not with how protective Logan was, or the horrors that he inflicted on the women he was supposed to protect. It hurt his heart to think of Rori knowing that her real father was a monster, and that she understood it well enough to know that Kyle wasn't fit to be a father at all.

"I don't think I'd make a very good daddy, Rori. I've been scary like your real dad before," Stanford admitted, thinking of the thick file Landon kept in his desk of all the men Stanford had beat down. It didn't matter that they deserved it, that the images of their battered children and wives had driven him to do it in the first place, men who wore violence of that kind like a second skin had no business being a father. There was a very fine line between justice and a power trip, and most of them don't realize they've crossed it until too late. Stanford didn't want to become that kind of man.

Rori continued to pet his chest like a cat, humming low in her throat, and Stanford found himself slowly rocking back and forth; both arms around her small body and one hand rubbing up and down her back. He had seen Logan do it for her a few days earlier, lulling her daughter to sleep in just minutes. He found the action oddly soothing, almost like it was for both of them instead of just the small child in his arms.