Chasing Shadows (GIRLXGIRL)

CH.16 : Best Thing I Never Had

Thank God I found the good in goodbye
I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with that
'Cause honestly you turned out to be the
Best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the
Best thing I never had
Oh and I will always be the best thing you never had

_Beyoncé

Allison's POV

I crouched, folded myself on the floor and wept. I heard her soft footsteps turn to very fast strides and then disappear. I had to do it, it hurt her I know, but I really had to do it. I introduced her to love, only to shut the door in her face when she got used to it. I wept for hours, I cried till I couldn't anymore. My heart was broken, but I had to fix things, on my own. I lifted myself off the ground and left Taylor's room. All I had to do was wait for Josh, all I had to do was gain some sort of courage and face the monster I created.

I went downstairs and waited, sitting on the couch and thinking. Taylor will take me back, she'll understand why I told her to leave. I have to fight my own battles, I honestly deeply love her but I can't be with her if there are distractions and Josh is one big distraction. I waited for hours, waiting and not knowing whether or not Josh would come. I waited till I felt myself fall into a slumber and soon enough I was fast asleep.

A rattling sound woke me up, I opened my eyes to be met by Josh who was standing near the door. He stared at me and I stared back despite the fact that I was a bit scared.

"I was waiting for you," I said getting up from the couch. Josh moved forward and I unconsciously held my breath.

"We need to talk," he spoke calmly, "...and first of all, I want to apologise for...for rapp--hurting you."

I released the breath that I had been holding. Josh seemed calm, his eyes still fixed on mine.

"I love you Josh."

"Allison you don't have to lie to me, you've been doing it for a while you should be tired by now."

I sighed, "I love Taylor okay but I guess there was a point in life when I loved you too. I know I'm hurting you but I deeply love your sister and I'm sorry cause I have to break this engagement. I have to say goodbye to what we had. Taylor told me about your condition, I get it...it could be the reason why you raped me. But I wish you had told me sooner, you hid that from me. Something so huge. It's over between us Josh, I'm sorry but I can't anymore."

The pain in his eyes almost made me want to take back my words but I had to do this, for me and for Taylor. I took off my engagement ring, moved towards Josh and asked him to give me a his hand. He did without a fight.

"I'm grateful for all the time we've spent together. I'm grateful for everything, and I want you to know that I have already forgave you for what you did and I hope that you'll find it in yourself to forgive me too," I said as I put the ring in his palm then folding his hand to secure it.

"Why didn't you tell her?," he questioned lowly, his head bowed down, his eyes on my hand that was on his.

"Tell who?"

"Why didn't you tell Taylor about what I did to you after she left?"

I scrunched my eyebrows, "How do you know I didn't?"

Josh looked at me, "Because if she knew she would have tried to fuck me up."

"You saw Taylor?"

He kept quiet for a while.

"Josh!"

"Yes, she was going. She's probably at the airport by now."

"What the fuck do you mean she's at the airport," I asked, my heartbeat paced.