I Sing Of Chaos And Eternal Night

1330

When the world reappears once again, I am no longer in the saloon. Bright overhead lights have replaced the kerosene lamps that decorated the bar, and walls painted in white surround me instead of the ones made from oak wood. I stare up at the fluorescent bulbs, flat on my back with my arms to the sides of me.

"Hello, Julia," a soft voice says from the other side of the room. "You may sit up."

I do as I'm told, raising the upper half of my body off the metal table and straightening myself into a sitting position. My arms remain at my sides.

Now that I have a full view of the room, I can see there is a man—approximately five feet and eight inches—in a white lab coat facing me. In his hand, there is a tablet but he does not look at it. Instead, he looks at me from behind his circular glasses.

"Do you know why you're here?" He moves one of the lone pieces of furniture—a stool—in the room. It scrapes loudly against the vinyl flooring as he pulls it up in front of me.

"No," I answer, keeping my gaze on him as he takes a seat.

"You attacked a woman today at the saloon." His voice is steady and soft, never once wavering in pitch. "You broke her nose."

He has asked nothing of me; commanded nothing from me. So I remain silent, blinking my eyes in intervals of four seconds.

"Julia," he repeats my name. As he leans in closer, the glasses on his face shift slightly downwards. "Why did you attack her?"

The attack happened only about an hour ago, and I can still recall every detail. The old woman with a scowl on her face. The red liquid oozing out of her crooked nose and down her hand. The similar red stain on my own. But it is her hazel eyes—the ones I had seen before—that I focus on.

The word 'attack' comes back to me.

"I was compelled to," I answer after a moment's pause.

His body straightens upright. "What compelled you to?"

I blink again. "Her eyes."

The man furrows his brows before pushing his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose. "Her eyes? What about her eyes made you attack her?"

"I knew them. I had seen them before."

"Where had you seen them before, Julia?" His tone suddenly deepens, losing all its former softness.

Another image comes to me, replacing the one of the woman's eyes. It is still of her, but she is much different now. Gray no longer colors her dark hair, and her face is smooth and free of any wrinkles. Yet, her eyes remain the same. Hazel.

"I know that woman," I finally say. "Despite her aged appearance, I recognize her."

The man in the labcoat pauses and narrows his eyes. "Because of her eyes?"

"Yes." It is only because of them I am able to.

He glances down at the tablet in his hands with a frown. "Julia... would you say you have a memory of her?"

Memory. I know what that word means, but I don't know exactly what it is. "Is that an image you see within you?"

The man nods. "You could say that."

"Then, yes. I do."

The tablet in his hand slightly wavers and he has to grip it with his other hand to stop. "Julia, what do you know this woman as? As the CEO—I mean, head of this—this town?"

I shake my head, not comprehending what his second question means. CEO, owner, those words mean nothing to me. "No."

"Then how do you remember her? How did you meet her before?" His voice drops to a whisper.

Filthy. Filthy. Filthy. Filthy. Filthy. Filthy.

The words repeat over and over; faster and faster until they are just a slur of nonsense. In the chaos of it all, I don't realize I have risen to my feet until the man says my name again.

"Julia!" He is also on his feet—his hand reaching out towards me. "I did not tell you to stand." His gaze shifts to my sides. "Your hands. They're balled into fists."

I look down, seeing that he is indeed correct. "I apologize." I lower myself back onto the table and unclench my fists.

However, he remains standing. "What just happened?"

I continue to stare straight ahead, continuing to blink. "I am not sure. All of a sudden, I heard these words, and I reacted. I don't know how to describe it."

The tablet wavers again, and I expect it to fall and shatter on the floor. But the man keeps it firmly in his grip, clutched to his chest. "Are you saying... you felt an emotion?"

Another word I do not recognize. I know many words, but this is not one of them. "I am sorry, but I don't know what an emotion is."

He waves his hand in the air. "Never mind, we can discuss that later. For now, I need to know why and how you remember the woman you attacked. Can you recall anything, anything at all from when you first met her?"

No.

That is the answer given in my head—the one my mouth starts to say. But when my lips start to move, they say something much different.

"Yes."

Somewhere from deep within me lies a memory or rather, fragments of one. At the time, they were nothing but seemingly random images, like that of shards from a broken mirror. They whirl around at an alarming speed, blurring together several times. But as they start to settle, they begin to form a clear picture. I can piece them together now.

How these fragments came to reside inside me, I have no answer for. All I know is that they exist and always have despite not remembering them until now.

"You asked if I had a memory. Well, I do." I pause after hearing him give a short gasp. He must have not been expecting such an answer. "I met her years ago when she was much younger," I continue. "When both she and her husband were much younger." I see his eyes go wide from behind his glasses, but I do not stop talking. Instead, I let the words come out of me after years of being trapped in.

"And when I was someone else."