does anyone know how to work twitter?

i just took a dna test, turns out i'm 100% that bitch

Chapter Text
caw caw @bestbird

okay but are we sure that @beterbarker isn't @stank's son?

Tony Stark @stank

@beterbarker @birdbrain Okay please don't start another scandal I'm still recovering from last month

caw caw @bestbird

@beterbarker @stank never forget

peet @beterbarker

@stank @bestbird lmao what are you guys talking about

caw caw @bestbird

@stank @beterbarker i just think it's fishy that peter looks like a child version of tony

caw caw @bestbird

@stank @beterbarker and you're both really smart

caw caw @bestbird

@stank @beterbarker and you lITERALLY HAVE A FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP DUDE I CANNOT BELIEVE

Tony Stark @stank

@beterbarker @bestbird Why are we even talking about this on twitter? Let's just settle this in person.

********************************************

"Clint, I swear to god, you are wasting my time." Tony groaned and let his head thunk on the coffee table.

"Please? Give in to my curiosity, just this once." Clint whined from the couch.

Peter laughed. "It's not like anything will come out of it. I think we'd know if we were related. It was kind of a part of the whole adoption thing."

"But that takes all the fun out of it!" He gasped, rolling off the couch. "What if we find out some long lost secret about you?"

"Through his blood?" Harley snorted.

"Shut up, you know what I mean! Besides, aren't you just a little curious?"

"Clint, there are four facts that I definitely know," Peter sat up. "One: FRIDAY can one hundred percent be hacked in to, despite what Mr. Stark says. Two: Tony hates being called Mr. Stark. Three: Spider-Man can stick to non-stick pans. Four: Richard and Mary Parker are my parents, despite what you say," Peter shrugged. "It's just facts."

"Kid, is that why you call me Mr. Stark? Just to get on my nerves?"

"At first, it was just me, but Harley thought it was funny so I kept doing it." Peter laughed before cut off by Harley throwing a pillow at him.

"Traitor!"

Tony just rolled his eyes. "Hey, Fri, run our blood samples against each others?"

"Sure thing, Short Stack." FRIDAY's voice echoed throughout the room.