Crimson and Steel

Cold. Why is everything so cold? The warm summer breeze, the soft caress of my dress, the hot tears blazing trails down my cheeks. Yet everything is numb. So numb. I hear it in the distance growing closer and closer. The strained rumble of the engine trying desperately to carry on. The siren song of a train whistle as it belts its Dies Irae. The screech of metal on metal as the wheels turn endlessly, never stopping. They never stop.

It grew so close I could practically feel the heat of the burning coal. Stepping off of the rough, rust covered steel, my feet landed on the splintered wood of the tracks. A sensation not any better, but no matter. It would all be over soon. I closed my eyes, finally pushing out the tear that previously sat stubborn in the rim of my eye. It found its way over the little imperfections of my face until it was finally caught at the upturn of my lips.

"Finally!" I whispered.

~
White. All I can see is white. My eyes drift over the "Congratulations" without a second thought. This feels wrong. So very wrong.

"Oh my goodness!" Mom exclaimed, "Stanford. Mara I'm so proud of you!" My lips didn't move an inch and my eyes stayed trained on the screen. Dad must have picked up on my silence.
"What's wrong sweet pea?"

Mom's eyebrows scrunched and she had her head at a slight tilt.
"Mara? I don't understand. Aren't you happy?"
"Diggy... he.... We were... This isn't right" I hiccuped, eyes brimming with tears. "We should be going together."

I finally tore my blank stare from the screen to look at my parents. Dad's mouth was sealed tight, pity practically written all over his face. I hate pity. My mom on the other hand didn't miss a beat.
"It's been 3 months sweety. You need to start moving on with your life." My fists balled up and I grinded my teeth. "I mean you just got accepted to your dream school and you don't even bat an eye! You can't let Digg-"

I dug my fingernails into my palms in an attempt to contain myself. It didn't work. "Stop!" I seethed. "Don't you dare say his name. You don't get it mom! That was our dream school. We were supposed to go together. You have no idea of the hell I've been through in the past 3 months so stop acting like I can just snap my fingers and make it all go away. You think I haven't tried moving on? Well I have and I can't" my voice broke, whittled down to nothing more than a whisper. "I can't."

I turned to run up stairs.

"Mara!" Dad grabbed my wrist but I hurriedly shook it off, climbing the steps to my room.

Reaching my door, I slammed it closed behind me and managed to click the lock before the dam holding back my tears broke all together and I was left a sniveling mess on the floor. As I cried into my hands I felt a sharp stinging sensation. I looked down to my palms to see 8 scarlet crescent moons carved into my skin, 4 on each hand. My bottom lip started to tremble and I felt nausea stirring in my stomach and threatening to rise up my throat. My fingers curled down to complete the twisted puzzle.

It was then that i heard a train whistle in the distance.

Stop! Stop it! Make it stop!

I held my hands to my ears and buried my head between my legs, but it wouldn't go away. Those damn train noises won't stop. Every night like clockwork for weeks on end. I hear the whistle and I see the smoke. It won't stop.

It all started a week after Diggory died.

~

I woke up to the gentle hum of a distant whistle. Rousing myself from my bed, I planted my feet on the cold wood floor and stumbled my way over to the window. Parting my curtains, I peered through the screen and scanned the landscape, spotting a steadily moving stream of black smoke rising from the trees just a distance away. I turned my gaze to my clock. 9:36. Snatching my robe from its hook, I threw it on and quietly sneaked down the stairs, carful to avoid the squeaky steps.