How to Fail at Being a Teenager

Level Two: "Also, Don't Do Drugs"

     If I was glue, trigonometry was my rubber. Nothing stuck.

     I wasn't dumb, I just didn't exactly have a passion for finding the value of x.  It may only be the middle of the trimester, but the bold red F seared itself onto the insides of my eyelids, followed by a short, daunting note.

     See me after class, Shauna.

     This was my fourth F, and third 'see me after class' of the trimester. Every time, Ms. Schmidt threatened to email my mother about my grades, but never did. But this time, it was different. Four consecutive failed tests in one class, one trimester. Now, I'm not so stupid that I don't know that's really, really bad.

     "Fuck," I hiss under my breath, "fuck, fuck, fuck."

     A curly-haired red head turns around, resting his arm on the back of his chair. "You good, Shay?"

     I froze. Why'd he have to say that? I could already feel the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, and those three words were nearly enough to make them spill over. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine." I say. No, I wasn't okay.

     "Really? Cause you look like you're about to cry." Max studied my face, trying to replicate Carlo's master decoding system. If he were here right now, he'd know what was wrong in an instant. Not that Max didn't love me just as much. Carlo was good at knowing when things weren't right, and Max was good at fixing them.

"Yeah, really. I'm fine." I pressed my fingers hard into the back of my neck, leaving tiny fingernail-shaped imprints in my skin. "What'd you get on the test?"

"Eighty nine," Max sighed, "I'm kinda triggered cause I know I should've gotten a ninety."

I nodded. "It's fine. You did really good."

Max shrugged my comment off. He had no idea what I'd give for an eighty nine. "What about you?"

     It was a difficult choice, believe it or not, weather or not to lie to Max. I loved him, but there are some things you just don't want to talk about, you know? Failing math is one of them. "Eighty two." I lied. "I guess that's why I'm kind of... spacey."

     "Eighty two? That's really good, what are you talking about?" Max twisted an orange curl around his finger, pulling out a corkscrew and letting it bounce back. "C'mon. You got like, what, ninety seven last test?"

     "Ninety six." Another lie.

     "Aight, ninety six. That average has got to be an A. You're fine, Shauna."

     My words felt caught in my throat. Twisted. Mangled, torn apart, choked, sucked into my stomach. No words could explain how empty I felt inside. The one thing I was supposed to be good at, I wasn't. "Yeah. I'm fine." I really wasn't.

***

     "Carlo, gimme your JUUL."

     The words flew out of my mouth faster than I could stop them. Fuck, did I really just say that? Like, out loud?

     Carlo gave me an awkward side eye before flicking his eyes back to the screen in front of him. "What for?" He asked, dragging out each syllable as if me asking for a hit was code for 'I'm gay'.

     "What do you mean, 'what for'? For JUULing you dumbass!"

     "You don't JUUL a JUUL," Max said,  leaning into his controller. "You hit it."

     Carlo scoffed. "Dude, last time you asked for my vape, you snapped it clean in half. Not falling for that again."

     I rolled my eyes, falling back onto the couch in exasperation. Fine. Be that way, Carlo. It's not like I even wanted it anyway. "Max? Can I borrow yours?"