Time means nothing here

Björn's home

I was sitting at the dinning room table with Lena, she made some sort of potatosalad that was absolutely disgusting, her cooking skills were horrible. I've always been too scared to tell her cause I knew how mad she could be. That really made me miss my ex wife, Agnetha. God! She used to be a marvelous cook! Im sure she still is, I wish I could have a dinner with her again someday, I really missed her.

Suddenly I realized that I had butterflies in my stomach when I thought about her, how is this possible, im with Lena and Agnetha and I divorced ages ago. But why do I want to be with Agnetha!? I felt bad for thinking this way, but I couldn't help it. And it sure wasnt the first time I thought this way, in fact I thought about Agnetha all the time, I missed her beautiful smile, her deep blue eyes looking into mine, her long blonde angelic hair which always looked perfect, her beautiful skin that looked so smooth like a new born baby, her plumped soft lips that would make the best kisses I ever felt. And Agnetha was still so beautiful, maybe even prettier than before, I never thought that would be possible but she aged like a fine wine. Especially compared to Lena, Agnetha looked like an actual angel. I saw her at the birthday partys from the children and grandchildren and I could never take my eyes of her.

"Bjorn? are you okay? whats the matter? you seem distracted" Lena asked. "I just feel a bit nauseous, I'm going to bed, goodnight" The way Lena looked at me when I said that, she could've killed me with her eyes. She knew what was going on, she knew I wasn't feeling nauseous, she knew that I would go upstairs to go through the box of old pictures I had beside my bed, from me and agnetha in the 70s. I knew she knew it all but she didn't say anything about it. The only words that came out of her mouth were: "fine, I guess I'll sleep on the cough again tonight" I didn't respond.

I went to my bedroom and opened the box with pictures. As I was slowly going through them I felt a rush going through my body, god, this feeling was amazing. I had the urge to just fall into her arms and never get out of them again, I know that I left her once, she went away with the kids and I should've gone after her, I was too angry to do it. But in the end that was the biggest mistake I ever made. I've been walking around with this regret ever since, I'm so stupid for getting together with Lena so soon after our break up, Lena and I rushed in way too fast and I've always been wanting to leave her cause I've just never been in love with her, I really tried to love her but it was Agnetha from the start. The reason I hadn't left her yet was because I was scared for the reaction from the world. But what I realized as I was going through all these old memories was that I had to do something about it, but what!? I was such a coward.

In 2 days I was gonna go to the mamma mia premiere in Copenhagen, I was going all by myself cause Lena didn't want to come, I didn't really mind cause she could be a bit boring sometimes, How much I wished to be able to go with Agnetha, to calm her down while flying and to just laugh with her like we used to do! These thoughts only made me more sad, I had to go all by myself, not even Benny or Frida was gonna attend, it was only me.

to be continued.....