Chasing Hope

Chapter Twenty-Six» Derek

A/N: An upset reader messages me saying that I was taking rape, bipolar and suicide very lightly. I apologized for making them feel that way, but in no way is this fanfiction supposed to romanticize any of those! It's meant to show what really CAN happen when one is held hostage. It's not a joke, and in no way is it meant to offend, this is serious matter, and I think that it's not wrong for a writer to use these serious things to make the story real. I take them very seriously, as I know people who have been affected by rape and bipolar and suicidal urges. I apologize if anyone misunderstood me by adding these crucial points in the plot. Thank you.
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An odd feeling filled the air. It was one of laughter and joy but also grief and sadness with all that was going on. It must be so hard for Reid today. It was Christmas Eve, a night of which was a symbol of love and happiness... But both were missing in his life. I sighed as I drove to work. I pulled in and hopped out. Dang. Over 3 feet of snow and it was knee-length. I pulled my coat over me warmer and headed inside. My footsteps crunched in the snow, leaving hollow footprints in their place. Numbness spread across face as I walked in. A smiling J.J was carrying a cup of coffee as she sat down to work on something.

"Hey Derek!"

"Hey."

"It's almost Christmas... Lighten up!"

"I can try."

Prentiss was filing something while humming a Christmas carol to herself quietly, and Rossi even managed a smile. Then baby girl walked in.

"Oh my wow." I managed.

"I know!" She squealed.

She was now flaunting red and green streaks in her blond hair and the ugliest Christmas sweater I had ever seen, with a pencil skirt that had pine needle patterns, which I didn't even knew existed. Hotch was trying not to smile, but he was failing.

"Wait a second, where's Reid?" J.J asked.

"Dunno. I'm going to call him."

After waiting a bit all we had was voice mail.

"Spencer Reid, please leave a message."

"This isn't a good sign. We should go over to his house and see what the problem is."

"Alright. Derek, J.J and Rossi you head to his apartment and check it out. The others are going to stay here and see what's going on... After all, he might've just slept in or something."

"Okay. Let's go."

-

"Hotch, it's weird. Something seems fishy. Nothing is out of place, no blood, no sign of struggle, but his car, phone, credentials and wallet are missing, and he is too. Why would he just disappear without a sign. The other thing that makes me wonder is last night I called him and he sounded like he was in a hurry. Something is wrong."

"I think you're right. We'll be right there asap."

"Thanks."

I looked around at the neat apartment that housed an insane genius. Books all had a place on the mahogany bookshelf, and the desk was clutter free- zero piles or stacks, the bed was neatly made, and wood floors sweeper. OCD. Hotch walked in right as we got a call from Spencer.

"Spencer! Where are you? You had us worried sick. You have a lot of-"

"I know. Is the team there?"

"Yeah... Why?"

"Just put me on speaker please Derek."

I did as he pleased.

"This is my note, I guess. For suicide?"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Aaron- I am so sorry for all the problems and headaches I've caused for you over the years. I just wanted to apologize for everything, and I wanted to thank you too. Thank you, for not firing me when I screwed up or if I put others in danger. And for being patient with a man as many faults as I. Secondly J.J- I wanted to thank you for everything you and your family has done for me, and for making me Henry's godfather. I wish I could watch him grow and turn into the amazing young man he's going to be. And just know if I ever became a parent I would want to have all the skill and love for your children that you guys have. Hotch and you both. Emily- I'm sorry for the way I treated you when I first found out you were still alive. I was being immature and it still haunts me that I treated one of my best friends like that. David- You always knew how to make me smile and laugh and were the cool older brother I never had, giving me advice and taking care of me. And Pen- for all the inside jokes we have and a plethora of nicknames which belong to me, and for every hug and taunt and kind deed sent my direction. And Derek- Thank you for always having my back, and always being there for me. You believed in me when nobody else did, and that is a quality which is seldom found in people. You guys have made me into the best person I can be and saved my life so many times I don't bother counting. You are all my 6 in 7.5 billion. Thank you for everything. Just, don't be sad for me. Just remember the good times please. And make sure if you ever find Carter tell her that I'm sorry that it had to be this way. It would've happened to me sooner or later after all it was bound, and I was trying to protect her from being even more hurt. I love you all. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone who has their life together."

"Wait please- Spencer- maybe we can talk about this! Call someone, get you help." I said tears streaming down my face seeing others with similar expressions. "Don't you do this. Where are you?"

"Goodbye."

Then nothing.