FEEDING THE SQUIRRELS

FEEDING THE SQUIRRELS - THE END

Getting out of bed was my first fatal error this morning, sending the events leading to my current state of affairs spiraling under way. It wasn't by choice rising when I did. I had been out late the night before and was sound asleep at ten o'clock in the morning. The reason I didn't remain so was the incessant knocking at my door. Too persistent to ignore, though I certainly tried, I stumbled wearily and with much irritation towards the ruckus. The disturber of my slumber had better be Chicken Little informing me that the sky was falling, I thought. As a non-morning person, I do not appreciate awakening any earlier than my body naturally decrees.

On the other side of the peephole stood Yvette. It had been two weeks since I'd last seen her, two months since her game of blackmail begun, six weeks since the day Holden fetched me to Dawn. In those weeks I had satisfied Yvette four times. There would be no fifth. I was done with her games. I considered not letting her in but decided if I was going to break her heart I'd at least have the courtesy of doing it face to face. This chivalry would be the last of my kindnesses towards her.

"It's over, Yvette", I said while opening the door. I saw no point to dragging it out any longer than need be.

"Michael, can't we talk about this?"

"There's nothing more to say. I'm through being your personal whore. No more sympathy fucks and no more fear. You want to tell your husband about us, go ahead. If he chooses to come after me, so be it. I'd rather be killed than sleep with you again."

"This is about that girl you've been spending so much time with, isn't it? What's her name again? Sunrise? Sunset? Moonglow?"

"How do you know Dawn?"

"I know she's lasted a bit longer than the others. She must be one hell of a lay. But you'll move on. You always do. What does she do for you that I don't? Cause I'll do it and more. I'll do whatever it takes. I can make you happy if you give me the chance."

"Okay. For starters, never come here uninvited again. And I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an invitation."

"You don't really mean that."

"How do you know what I mean? You hardly know me. I'm just a guy who did you the favor of fucking you right. You mean nothing to me, less than nothing."

"You're scared because you've started to fall in love with me. You were never worried about my husband. And that artist bitch is just another excuse to hide behind. But you can't hide from your own feelings."

"You've been following me, haven't you? How else would know so much about Dawn?"

"There's only one thing I know that matters. You love me, Michael. Just say it. Once the words are out, it won't be so scary to feel it."

The time had come to forgo gentility. She wanted me to get some words out. I had a few choice ones for her, of which she would be spared none.

"You disgust me, Yvette. I have to close my eyes and think of someone else to get it up. I thought you deserved some pity because of what your husband does to you. But now he's the one I feel sorry for.

You were right that this isn't about Dawn. But it isn't about me hiding from my feelings either. And it has nothing to do with fearing that you'll tell your husband about us. There is no us anymore. This is about you. You don't do it for me. You never did. You're just a frumpy waitress I decided to do a favor for, until I realized you were getting exactly what you deserved at home.

I tried to back out of this nicely but you can't accept someone being nice to you. A guy has to be abusive to make you understand. I won't hit you, Yvette. But I will make you understand. I don't love you. I don't even like you. I just want you to go away."