The Shell of What I was

Betrayal

Betrayal was a word I didn't understand, although I was familiar within the English language my comprehension of it fell short after the definition found in the dictionary.

I had never experienced betrayal. My whole life, those who had surrounded me had been trustworthy, loving, caring, loyal. My whole life, I had surrounded myself with people who I knew would never hurt a hair on my head. Many called it being safe, I called it being smart.

Tonight, however, as I stood in the nightclub arms straight down my body the word betrayal suddenly made sense. In front of me stood betrayal, smiling and waving at me as it came closer and closer to my heart eager to meet it and touch it with its hands. As I stared at it, I didn't understand what exactly was happening. The loud electronic music had stopped, the footsteps had come to a stop. My lungs started to fill up, my nose and mouth unable to relieve them. My body was frozen and tears started to form in my eyes.

In that moment, it was as if I was drowning. One second I was above water as joy-filled me in at the sight and atmosphere of the nightclub. But the next second, I was gasping for air as my throat became more and more dried. My lungs slowly replacing the once air with an agonizing feeling.

Because there he stood. The curly-haired boy with green eyes I had so dearly loved. There he stood dancing with a blonde woman who wore a tight skirt and a striped t-shirt. There he was, so close to a stranger their bodies were slowly becoming one. There he was pressing his lips on another's and tightening his grip around another's waist.

Here I stood, underwater trying to catch my breath, trying to bring air back into my lungs as the room started to spin. There I stood in a black suit, my hair in a quiff the way he liked it. There I stood in a nightclub betrayal staring right back at me.