Without You

43. The Truth Hurts

A/N - OK...Before anything else...I GOT A TWEET FROM ANT!!!!! I'm still in shock, to be honest. Best end to the year I could have hoped for! 😁😍💖

But...Back to business! Sorry it's a bit behind schedule. I've been struggling quite a bit with writing the past few days, so hopefully this isn't a train wreck. It was originally going to be one loooong chapter, but it grew to over 7K words, so I split it in half. Oops. 😬

Thanks for all your comments and input - it really is quite helpful from a writing point of view to see your feedback! Happy New Year, everyone! ❤ -H. x

⚠⚠⚠⚠⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠⚠⚠⚠⚠

Ant buried his head in his hands, shattering before Linda's very eyes. A shuddering breath tore through him and he burst into tears, muttering darkly to himself. Concerned, Linda rose and walked the short distance to Ant's perch, quietly lowering herself down next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. To her surprise, he melted into the embrace, turning and quietly weeping into her shoulder, clinging to her like a lost child.

"Shhh, it's okay, Ant," Linda soothed, her heart breaking for her friend and patient, "He's very, very hurt, there's a lot of anger there. But it's not all directed at you, I've got a feeling there's a bunch directed at himself, too, he's just taking it out on you. And underneath all of it is love."

Ant shook his head weakly, mumbling brokenly, "He hates me, Linda, he hates me! Our love is gone....I really f***ed up this time..."

Linda squeezed Ant a little bit harder, rubbing a hand up and down his shaking back. "That's not true, Ant. I saw pain, guilt, anger, even grief, in everything he's said and done today, but there's no hatred there. Not towards you, anyway. I think there's a part of him that hates himself, though. What for, I don't know. I've only just scratched the surface with him, there's a lot yet to be uncovered. But I can 100% guarantee he doesn't hate you. The love is there and will shine through again eventually, I promise, we just have to deal with all his other emotional baggage first."

Ant remained silent, clearly trying to pull himself together, the flow of tears gradually stopping. He finally leaned away from the embrace, sinking back into the cushions with a defeated, heartrendingly sad expression on his face. "I've gotta go try and patch things up with 'im," he murmured dejectedly, "Prob'ly gonna get yelled at. Again. He's on rare form today..."

Linda gave him a sympathetic smile, reminding him gently, "I told you it wouldn't be easy. Like I said to Dec on Monday, when you've been together 30 years like you two have, it's like a marriage, and, well, I don't need to tell you how painful it is when that sort of long-term relationship breaks down...A lot's gone on in a very short space of time, and Dec's really struggling to process it all on top of everything else that's happening in his life. He's suffering a bit of a mental health crisis at the moment, I think it's fair to say. Sort of like you were when you first came to hospital. It will get easier, this process, but reconciliation's never straightforward and it's rarely without fireworks. Be gentle with yourself, Ant, you're doing your best."

Ant grimaced at that, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, doing me best to completely wreck what was left of our relationship...."

"Not true, Ant. You're both hurting, and that's why this is so difficult. It's hard to control emotions and think rationally when you've got a lot going on yourself. As soul-destroying as it is, all of this raw anger and pain needs to be brought out into the open, it's the only way to begin the healing process. Dec's confused, I think he doesn't quite know which way is up and which is down at the moment. So we have to try and be patient while he figures things out. Okay? I promise everything is still looking good for saving what you two have, there's just a lot more work to be done. I wouldn't lie to you, you know that."