One-Shots | Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers (and actors)

Cold [s.r.]

Pairing: Steve x Reader
Prompt: "We've both grown cold."
Warnings: Sad, angst, language
A/N: Flashbacks are in italics. I started reading "Rock Bottom" by crushedbyhyperbole (tumblr) , and a line at the beginning inspired me to write something. If you're 18 or over check out the fic. This is unedited.

You something was wrong the minute Steve came back from his mission. He always was a little off the fist few days, but this was different. It has been a week and he still won't look you in the eyes. Steve always looks you in the eye. He didn't even talk much to Bucky, and when he doesn't talk to Bucky, something is seriously wrong.

Maybe you hadn't been as affectionate as of late, but your own obligations have been wearing you thin, and while you tried to be as close to Steve as possible in your down time, it wasn't always possible. You thought he understood though, given his own troubles with work.

He didn't look up, didn't give you any indication that he knew you were there as you climbed into bed beside him. You knew he knew though; he wasn't asleep. The hole in your heart kept you from engaging though, it kept you from doing what you always do – kissing him goodnight. And as much as you wanted to, you only sighed and rolled over so you wouldn't face his back.

The thick tension kept you from sleeping soundly, your dreams plagued with nightmarish scenes and words. When you woke, he wasn't there, his side of the bed already cold. You knew in your heart he wasn't okay, but before, whenever you'd try and talk to him, he would shut you down. It hurt, to know that he wouldn't talk to you.

~

You stared at the unfamiliar ceiling, the blanket doing nothing to keep you warm. The past months echoing through your head. The bed felt too big, the empty space next to you not filled with the man you thought loved you.

It had been too long since you've slept; every time you close your eyes you hear it again, see him again. It hurt too much. It was still too fresh. You should've seen it coming though, everything had changed since that mission.

"Steve?" You asked, trying not to startle him away.

"Yeah?"

"What happened?"

"Nothing." He said far too quickly. You sighed, the same response you got the first five times you asked, the same one he gave to everyone else when they asked.

"Steve talk to me. Something's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong Samantha!" He yelled.

"Something is! You've been out of it for over a month Steve! I miss you!"

"Maybe you're my problem!"

You rear back, mouth hanging open in shock. It felt like he stabbed a dagger in your heart. The two of you have fought, but never like that. He'd never told you something he knew would hurt you like that.

"Steve?" As much as you hated it, you felt the tears start to fall down your cheeks silently while he stared.

"I can't do this anymore Samantha. I can't keep being the one you cling to, it's suffocating."

Your lip quivers and you suck in a breath. "Why?" You ask. "Why now? Why like this?"

He doesn't answer, and you know. You know it was something on the mission that set him off; that made him like this. Slowly, you back away from him.

"Whatever happened on that mission Steve, fix it." You mumble, hands shaking as you leave the room.

You sob as you close the door to the share room, already picking up the pieces of stray clothing on the floor and throwing them on the bed. You need to get out of here. You never belonged here anyway, nothing about you was super, you were just Steve Rogers pathetic girlfriend.

An hour, that's all it took for the few things you had to be packed and ready. What money you had of your own safely in your purse and ready for a hotel far away from here. You didn't bother leaving a note behind, figuring that Steve would explain to everyone why you left, as it was, they weren't your friends.

After everything you'd spilled to him about your life, about your need to be close to people, about your fears, he had the audacity to throw it back in your face. If he had said it differently, under different circumstances, maybe you would've stayed, but not now, not like this.

~

The nightmares no longer plagued you, and the ceiling became more familiar with each week you were there. No one called you, no one even tried to see how you were, and as much as you missed the Avengers, it only proved that they weren't really your friends.

Each day you think a little less of Steve, of what he did, of the cracks he broke open after you'd healed them so carefully. You had thought you were okay, that you could handle words like that, but you couldn't, at least, not from him.

Maybe it's wrong, and maybe it will come to bite you in the ass, but either way, no one will ever have the power Steve did over you, even if it means you have to put your heart on ice and keep it there.

~

"I am not broken." You say to yourself as you look in the mirror. Your haggard appearance staring back at you with hollow eyes.

All it took was one glance at the news and you fell apart all over again. Steve had moved on, found himself someone prettier, someone nicer, someone less clingy. You didn't keep it on long enough to catch her name, only long enough to hear girlfriend.

"I am more than Steve." You whisper, not nearly strong enough for you to believe it. Again. And Again. Until the last time you say it, you truly start to believe it.

"Steve can only hurt me now if I let him."

~

A year. A year is how long it's been since you've seen him, since you've heard his voice. And now, at three in the morning, you hear it on the other side of your door.

"Samantha, please."

His pleas no longer crack your heart, they no longer send tears down your cheeks. You've felt love before, and what he's offering, it isn't love, not like you deserve. In all your expectations of him, you never once thought you would come first, but you sure as hell thought you'd be a close second.

"No Steve."

"Please let me in."

"No."

"Please." He cries. With a huff you open your door and stare coldly.

"What?"

"I messed up. I miss you."

"Yes, you did. You fucked up big time. You threw my worst insecurities and fears back in my face. You hurt me Steve, worse than I thought you could."

"I love you. I still love you."

"This isn't love Steve, this is infatuation." You reply.

"Please."

"No. This time, it isn't just you. This time, we've both grown cold. At least I have to you."

"Samantha-"

"Goodbye, Steve. I wish you the best." And with a finality he's never seen from you, you shut the door.