You

A letter for u, that u may never read

I never expected me to be so dumb over someone...

I hate that I care so much.

I hate that ur actions destroy me like this.

I hate the feeling that I get when I hear ur name.

I hate the way u lied to me.

I hate how I wanted us to work so bad.

I hate that I still defend u in front of my friends, even though u don't deserve it.

I hate this heavy feeling on my chest that I get when I think about us, although u were never actually mine and I was never actually urs...

It hurts.

I hate that I miss the connection that I felt.

I hate that I miss the way ur lips felt on mine.

I hate the thought of u forgetting about us.

I hate the fact that i always wonder if ur thinking about me like I'm thinking about u.

But mainly, I hate that I would forgive u anytime if you'd just admit everything.

The truth that I already know but I'm waiting for u to say it out loud.

I never wanted to be like this, but I'm addicted to the way u make me feel...

I'm addicted to u.

I'm trying to let it all go but it's hard because i never had something like this and that makes it so hard.

I always tell myself that I'm not continuing with this, but still...

every time u decide to text me "wassup", like everything's okay, even though I know u feel like somethings off...

I answer.

I answer because I can't let go.

I don't have the courage to tell u what's on my mind.

I feel silly because u make me feel this way and u don't even see what ur doing.

I want us back.

Whatever it was, I want it back.

I'm so dumb , I can't even tell u all this face to face because I feel like I'm exaggerating...

We just lived in the moment and never gave it a title.

So why does it make me feel like this?

Why do you make me feel like this.

Why won't u change?

For me, for us.

Weren't we enough for u?

I can't help but think about all this and it's so frustrating.

Let me let u go.

-Akiko

to be continued...