Reading Yasin

Chapter Two • Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains, within the sound of silence.

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A M I N A

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Why is falling out of love not as easy and effortless as falling in love? My aching heart wonders for the billionth time today as I encounter something that yet again sends an avalanche of memories crashing down on me. I brace myself and brave through the ocean of memories that threaten to engulf me when I step into the two bedroom flat I've been living in with someone who was once my husband. And I realise that now, I have probably just been sentenced to figuring out the answer to that question for the rest of my life.

The furniture had been overturned and our belongings packed up into boxes in preparation of our move out. I still can't believe a relationship of six years took only six weeks to break. How a promise of eternal union between husband and wife could be so recklessly broken.

My chest feels shattered with sorrow every time it dawns on me that I no longer have the liberty of calling him that. Me and Abdulhadi were through, we were no longer husband and wife, there was a tear soaked letter lying somewhere in my room that declared just that.

I watch my daughter as she runs into the corridor, probably heading to her room to introduce her brand new stuffed teddy bear to all her other toys. There's a sly smile on my face as I noticed again Abidah's similarities to her father. Even their gate while running looked alike.

I close the door and walk to properly shut the windows from the snow storm that was preparing to glaze the night in a freezing sheath of cold. As I draw in the curtain, I allow myself to take in the sight of what is the last winternight I was probably ever going to witness in Canada ever again. I had already sworn to never return once I leave. This land held too many bitter memories for me after what Abdulhadi had done. It had let me weave beautiful dreams only to turn them into horrific nightmares right before my eyes.

After closing all the windows properly and pulling down the blinds, I turn on the light switches and walk to Abidah's room to check up on her. As expected, I find my daughter sorrounded by her toys and lost in the fantastic world she had created for herself.

Ever since it happened, Abidah had been more withdrawn from real life and instead distracts herself with her toys, just playing all day. You'd think a mute five year old girl couldn't understand what it means for her parents to be divorced but much to my dismay, Abidah did. She understood it when she saw us constantly fighting with each other. She understood it when Abdulhadi packed his things and left and she understood it when he sent me a letter telling me he has divorced me.

I shake my head and rid myself of his thoughts, wanting only to enjoy this last night I had to spend in this house with my daughter. I stride into the room and after sitting next to Abidah, I unpin my hijab and remove the veil from over my head.

Abidah smiles with her little hands reaching out to grab a plait of my hair. She yanks at it and causes me to shriek to which she laughs mischievouslg.

"Naughty girl, I will return that teddy." I signed with my hands. My daughter and I have never communicated with spoken words.

Abidah gasped and let her hands speak, "Sorry Mummy," she held her ears, putting on a puppy dog face.

"It's fine but next time, don't go up to strangers and ask them for a teddy, okay?"

"But Mummy, he was nice man. Not stranger. Maybe he's from where you and me are from."