Callie's Sister

Chapter 5

The air got very tight in the room. I had to get out.

“I’m going for a walk,” I said. I didn’t know where I would go, but anywhere was better than being in that room.

“Okay,” my father said. My mother was pretty droopy from the Valium they gave her when she couldn’t stop sobbing. I thought my dad would protest or follow me or do something to make me feel better, but he just said, “Okay.”

I walked slowly down the hall in case someone wanted to catch up with me. No one did. Leaving the hospital entrance I bumped into Sarah’s brother Cam and their mom, Diana.

 “Maddie,” Diana said, “How is she?” I shrugged.

“It’s really her,” I said. “It’s her sunflower.” Diana hugged me, my face poked by the realtor pin she always wore on her suits when she was showing people houses.

“Is Sarah up there?” she asked. I pulled out of the hug and shook my head.

“Sarah’s not there? That’s strange. Cam, I’m going up to Callie’s room. Why don’t you stay with Maddie?”

“No,” Cam said, “Let me come with you.”

“Maddie needs the company,” she said firmly.

 “I’m going to the beach,” I said. “You don’t need to come.” I felt weird about Cam. Our families were best friends so we were almost like cousins. We hadn’t been hanging out much lately, though, because about six months ago when he suddenly grew and got kind of hot the popular girls grabbed him. There wasn’t much room for fat-ish girls like me in that world.

 “Isn’t it pretty far?” he asked.

“So?” I walked out the door and headed to the beach. To Cam’s credit, he followed me.

Uninterested in company, I walked as fast as my pudgy legs could carry me.

“Hey, wait up,” Cam called.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” I shouted over my back. I just wanted to be alone with my anguish. But if Cam’s mother asked him to do something, he did it. I should have known there was no getting rid of him. He ran to catch up with me.

“Nobody said you did,” he said, smiling at me. A sweet, sympathetic smile. But I saw the pity there, too, and it pierced me.

I didn’t want a pity smile. I wanted my sister to be okay.

Rows of stores gave way to small beach bungalows as we walked in silence, Cam two steps behind me.

My brain was full of images of my broken sister. I tried to pull up memories of beautiful Callie, but all I kept thinking about was the girl in the bed with the bandages and tubes. We may have been fighting lately, but she was my big sister and I couldn’t imagine life without her.

We reached the beach and I flung off my sandals and buried my toes in the sand. Deeper and deeper until both feet were covered up to my ankles.

When Callie and I were little we used to spend hours burying each other or burying my dad. After the person was entirely immersed in wet sand, with only their eyes peeking out, they would quickly rise and “break out.” It was like Frankenstein or something and we never got tired of the silly game.

With that memory, the tears started. And once they began falling I couldn’t stop them.

The people playing on the beach turned blurry and all I wanted at that moment was to go back in time and have my big sister play with me. If we could be five and seven again, then none of this would have happened yet and maybe it would never happen.

Maybe we could change it.

Take it back.

I cried till I had nothing left. Then I unburied my feet, shook the sand off of them, slid my sandals back on and started walking back to the hospital.

Cam followed me. He didn’t say a word the whole time I cried. I respected him for that. The worst thing he could have done was try to comfort me.

There was no comfort.

“I’m done crying,” I said softly when we reached the hospital entrance.

Cam nodded. “Good,” he said.

“Good?” I asked.

He shrugged and walked to the elevators.