𝙿𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗: 𝙶𝚎𝚗 𝟾 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚜

Hop x Depressed!Reader [Farewell Letter]

So this chapter wasn't a request, it was just something I really needed to write to let all this shit out of my head. If you can't tell from the title, this chapter includes intense themes, such as: Depression, suicide, self-harm, and if you are emotionally weak you will probably cry.

The song is called "Hurts like Hell" by Fleurie, so feel free to listen to that while reading. I couldn't find any fanart of Hop crying, which would have been great.

Once again, another warning for the people sensitive to topics like this. And with that, let's get to it!

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Hop's P.O.V.

I opened the door slowly, yelling, "Mum! I'm home!" It took a bit for her to answer, but nonetheless, she ran down the stairs to snuggle her little muffin.

"Welcome home! There's a letter to you on the table." I look in the kitchen and looked at the letter, knitting my eyebrows together. It said it was from Y/n. Why would she send me a letter if she lives right next door to me? I stepped into the kitchen and picked up the letter, taking it up to my room where I plopped down on my bed and tore open the envelope.

The thing that immediately caught my eye was the red blotch on the inside of the envelope. She probably just cut her tongue while licking the glue, my thoughts reinsured me. The red was still spreading on the white paper, clueing in that it was written and sent recently.

With fearful curiosity, I began reading the letter.

Dear Hop, 

If you're reading after the day this letter was sent, it's already too late.

My heart was racing; what did she mean by that?

When we became friends, you were the best thing in my life, and you still are. When I asked you what you thought of me as you said "My best friend and rival!" with much enthusiasm coating your voice.

Unlike then, you'll likely be reading this with horror and sorrow on your face. After you called me nothing more than a friend, my heart split in two. This pain has been unbearable, and it hurts like hell.

The words "hurts like hell" were roughly retraced to the point where it dented that part of the letter.

I know you said "friend" as the greatest compliment you've ever given, but it just won't stop hurting. I never said it out loud but... I love you. The words you said stabbed a knife through my heart, and it's unbearable, so I thought it was time for me to do the same to myself. 

I leaped off my bed and ran down the stairs at what had to be 100 miles per hour. She can't be committing suicide! I can't let her die like this, I have to save her! Before my mum could even question why I slammed the door open and ran out without closing it, I had already left my town.

Just imagine me, tears rolling down my face, blood on my shirt, the wind rushing past my body; at least I'll die the place you hurt me. Dragons are flying through my stomach, a spine-breaking feel of regret, swirling through my lungs, making it painful to breathe at all.

Was she at Hammerlocke? The wind rushing past her body - jumping off the bridge. Dragons - the Pokemon type the gym leader there specializes in. And most importantly - that's where I told her I thought of her as my best friend. After calling a sky taxi, I continued reading her letter.

If I end it all now, I'll never have to feel this horrible again. I don't want you to have me as a burden weighing down on your shoulder, so I thought it best to stop it all here. I'm writing this with so many tears I can't even see what I'm writing, I just hope that you aren't crying as much as me right now.

Unfortunately for her, I was already crying harder, biting my bottom lip to stop my pained screams from being heard throughout Galar. Looking down at the paper again, I noticed that tears had dried on top of some of the words, blurring them slightly.

This letter is the last thing that will show a trace of my existence, so keep as long as you like, as long as it isn't eternally painful to know I'm not a part of this world anymore. I wish I could remember as more than a friend, but knowing your weeping over my soul in hell is more than I'll ever need. So cry all you want now, nothing is stopping me from forgetting I ever wrote this... this... this farewell letter.

Goodbye,

Y/n L/n - I love you

I stepped out of the sky taxi, running to the bridge on the left where I was certain she was contemplating her existence. I crumpled up the letter and wiped the tears flowing down my face with my sleeve. No way I'm just gonna sit and watch her die like that.  I ran faster and faster, stumbling over my own feet multiple times.

Eventually, I saw her (H/c) hair flowing in the wind. If the situation weren't dire and we weren't both crying our eyes out, she'd look like a model. 

I watched in absolute horror as she stepped up to the edge. "Y/N, PLEASE STOP! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF AND YOU NEVER WILL!" My shouts grabbed her attention which I could tell by her sudden jump in place. She turned her head and gave me the saddest smile I've ever seen. Her head turned back in front of her, looking down at the canyon beneath her. "STOP THIS, PLEASE Y/N!"

Before I even knew it, lifechanging seconds that seemed to take hours, days, weeks had been taking place. Y/n, on her toes, literally on the borderline of certain death, had been hugged tightly around the waist by me. The impact knocked us both off the bridge, the rushing wind blasting in our ears as our tears flew upwards after dipping off our chins.

I held her small, shaking, fragile body in my arms on top of me as we fell. Her mouth screamed out "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" countless times while we came closer and closer to the ground.

A Pokeball fell out of my pocket, grabbing my attention immediately. It opened on its own to reveal my Corviknight, who grabbed us by the shoulders with its clawed feet. Y/n had her eyes squeezed shut, fear and misery the most evident thing on her face. Corviknight set us both down gently at the border of the wild area. 

Our legs were too weak to hold us, so we fell limp to the ground. "Y/n... answer me-" I started but she cut me off before I could finish.

"You tell me why you saved me! Was it my mother begging you to run after me?! Was it my Pokemon weeping at your door?! Was it your brother thinking it would badly affect his reputation?!" She yelled with her voice shaking due to the streams of tears rolling slowly down her face.

"Y/n nobody told me to save you except myself. I read your letter and immediately rushed out to stop you. I risked my own life to save yours because I love you, as more than a friend. I lied that day, too scared to reveal my true feelings. I wish I could have realized how you felt sooner and I would have stopped you. I never meant to hurt you..." I said, feeling the tears roll endlessly down my face.

She gave no reply to what I had said, but hugged me tightly, still crying. Her sharp breath intakes were audible as she wept, her shoulders shaking with sorrow.

"Y/n it's okay. Because I'm here to help you. Please... don't cry..."

Both of us were a tear-streaked mess.

"Please... never d- do that again..."

"I won't think of it as long as you love me."

"Then live forever, Y/n."

>>>>>

This was so fucking deep I cried while writing oh my god. Before any of you ask about my inspiration for this chapter, don't bother feeling pity when I say this:

My real life.

Half of the stuff in here was 100% relatable to me, except for the suicide attempt, so think not of such things. If the person who broke my heart calling me a friend is for whatever reading this, please know I still love you. 

I can't even take writing this anymore, I'm pouring my whole heart out to the entire internet. So... that's all for this time.