SCARED (Adam Gontier Love Story)

Chapter 33

When Adam comes out of the bathroom, he's shoving something in his back pocket. But he's smiling wide, and I'm glad for that. "Dude, your girlfriend talked," Barry says. Adam's eyes flicker as he sees him, but he instantly looks over at me, grinnin even wider. "You did? Good for you," he says. He collapses beside me and throws his arm awkwardly round my shoulder. He looks really tired, like he's going to fall asleep on the spot. "You ok?" I ask him quietly. He laughs and nods his head. "Yeah, babe. Couldn't be better. How's the little munchkin?" I shrug, flinching as he rubs my stomach.

I'm quite worried about him now. I watch as he scratcched at the side of his cheek. He shakes his head. "Sorry, guys. I feel a bit dizzy at the moment. Must be why I'm talking like an idiot. I'll be ok tomorrow." I nod and smile. He's fine. Probably got a bug. He's going to be perfectly fine. I grin at him and he nods at me, his smile stretching ear to ear. He's sweet; sometimes he acts like a little kid. "Hey, dude. Are you a druggie?" Barry says to him. You can almost see the wall go up.

"Fuck off, dude. Why would I be a fuckign druggie?" he says harshly. "First you try to rape my girlfriend, then you accuse me of being a fucking druggie? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Barry blinks and looks at me in confusion. I stare at Adam in fear. He shoves himself up and goes into the bedroom, slamming the door. I look back at the guys. "I didn't try to rape you," Barry says to me, his voice cracking in confusion. I shake my head. He doesn't remember a thing from that night.

"You kinda did, dude," Neil says to him. I glare at Neil, and look back at Barry, who is staring at me in fear. "Uh, when you were drunk a couple months ago, you grabbed me and kissed me a couple times. That's it. Adam hit you then, it wasn't pretty," I explain. I really hope all this talking doesn't destroy my life. He goes red and apologizes. I hate that he had to find out like this, but it was his own fault. I was the only one not drinking that night, so I was the one that saw the full extent of it. We all chat for a few hours, and when we finally can't stand the quiet anymore, we realize that we've arrived at the next concert.

Adam's POV

Fucking druggie. If only he really knew. I think Lara's scared of me, but if I'm being honest, I'm scared of me as well. I'm scaring myself daily. Every time I open that bag, every single time I go back to a bar to get more, I terrify myself. I'm scared of what I'm doing to myself, and I'm scared of how much I might hurt Lara or the baby. It's starting to show now. Her stomach is growing daily, and it makes me petrified every time I look at her. The thing that's growing inside of her is all my fault. It's going to destroy her life, and it's all my fault.

I feel the bus stop, and I remember that there's a concert today. I sigh and stand up, hiding my drugs in my back pocket and head back to the guys. I know Barry didn't really try to rape Lara, but to me it feels like he did. Just kissing her is enough to kill me. I don't want to love her as much as I do, but I can't help myself. I just have to, it's all I'm good at. All I can do is love her, and love our baby. But when the kid's born, I don't know if I can support it. I don't know if I can afford to support it. The drugs cost so much, and they're getting more and more expensive every time I buy them. Because I always need more.

I head off the bus, and into the dressing room for this place, ignoring the guys. Lara looks like she's going to cry, but I can't help her. If I can't help myself, how can I help her? I'm so proud of her for talking. She's been shocked into silence since Barry kissed her, and the fact that she's talking means that she can help herself. I know I'm destroying my life, and if she can help herself rather than relying on me, then I won't screw up her life any more than I already have.

I sit down, messing with my guitar. I love that guitar; it's like a blessing. It's bloody expensive, though. If this whole drug thing goes too far, I might have to sell it. Barry and Neil walk in, followed by Lara, and then Brad and some girl I don't recognize. I yawn. I'm so tired recently, but I can't fall asleep at a concert. That's just fucked up. I pull out a notebook and write down some more song lyrics that are in my head. Not all of these lyrics will go into songs, but a lot of them are actually quite good, so I might make a new album. Don't know what I'm gonna call it, though.

"Guys, this is Hannah. She's a big fan. Like another Lara, only she's mine this time, Adam," Brad says, introducing the girl hanging off his arm. I look up and sigh. She's nothing like Lara. My girl is beautiful and perfect, this Hannah chick is not. "Hey, Adam. You knew my dad," Hannah says. I look up. I don't know anyone's dad. I shake my head at her and go back to my notebook; 'So what if you can see the darker side of me? No one will help me change this animal I have become.' I smile. That's a good line.

"Yeah, you did meet him. He's the reason this bitch is so fucked up," she says, gesturing to Lara. I stand up, furious. I clench my fists, glaring down at her. She does look familiar. "Yah, my dad wanted revenge for my sister, who you murdered, and he was too retarded to finish the job. Your girlfriend pregnant? Ain't that the cutest thing. Josie never got the chance to be pregnanct." With that word, 'pregnant', I collapse in tears on the ground. It's all my fault. Everything is my fault. I ignore the stares everyone's giving me, I ignore Brad throwing Hannah out of the room, and I ignore Lara's soft hands holding me tight. I open that bag of small yellow tablets, and I swallow the lot.

A/N

Hello, readers of this story!! I feel so sorry for what's happened to Adam. What's going to happen to him? Is he going to be ok? Who knows? Just letting you know, guys, though; this story is only gonna be 2 or 3 chapters longer. But don't worry! A sequel has been started to write, and it will continue.

Thanks so much to everyone that entered the #BANDNAME contest. I'm incredibly grateful to all of you, and will announce the winners after this story is finished. I don't mean to upset anyone who is waiting for that story, but I just don't want to have 2 things to update regularly.

Song of the chapter is: Sleepwalking by Bring Me The Horizon. Adios!