Thoughts, Opinions or whatever~

{Suicide}

!!Big Trigger Warning!!

I don't know if something clear is coming out of that but it distracts me from crying, so.
Suicide has been a big Thing in my Life for quite a while. My Mom killed herself four Years ago. I've been suicidal since that, almost without a break. Sometimes it's less important but most of the Time it's big in my Head.

Is Suicide really a solution? The first answer I would give is clearly a No. But after a while, I would go on and think of it. I used to say the same thing to suicidal people, I meet. You have to focus on the good Things in Life, the moments you enjoy. You have to remember them and fight for them. And that's all I'm going to say to everyone.

But sometimes..Sometimes I think of it and come to a point where i say, suicide is the only answer. What if it gets bad and bad and worse. What if it gets to the point where you think everyday, that suicide is the answer, that you want to hurt yourself, you realize that you are a burden to everyone. Most of the people might say, I should go to the mental hospital. I am two months at home now. Before that I was about 9 months in the mental hospital. And before that I had was a year and 3 months in two different mental hospitals.

Is it my purpose to stay in mental hospitals? To have doctors around me, that try to keep me alive. I don't know if the few good Moments a worth it. I really don't know.

But I keep fighting. For the people that care about me. And for the I wish, would care about me. But for tonight I'll just go to sleep and hope my nightmares aren't that bad this Time.

~Bocchan