Stress Reliever [bakudeku angst] |HIATUS|

2 ~ blood and tears

KATSUKI:

Katsuki was hoping Izuku would fall asleep fast, it was three in the morning, surely Izuku's tired. But it seemed the coffee worked better than he thought, which was odd as Izuku had never reacted much to caffeine when they were kids, and it certainly hadn't worked well on Katsuki who was an inch from falling asleep himself. But he couldn't fall asleep yet, he had to wait for Izuku so he could search his room.

"Why are you keeping me here?" Izuku tried to force himself past Katsuki, who was standing in front of the door and holding him back. Katsuki was tired, yes, but he was unrelenting in his mission to save Izuku Midoriya. "Let me go!"

"Go to sleep!" Katsuki forced the smaller boy back, pointing at his bed, and matched Izuku's glare with his own.

Izuku could see he wasn't getting anywhere, Katsuki wasn't going to move, so he rolled his eyes and plopped down on the bed. Izuku watched him as Katsuki grabbed his office chair and moved it in front of the door, sitting down quietly and locking eyes with Izuku. There was no way in hell he was escaping. Upon realising this, Izuku huffed and sat up, leaning on his hands.

"What do you want, Kacchan? We were having fun, weren't we?" Katsuki was surprised Izuku was playing dumb, it wasn't something he often resorted to.

"Tell me about the cuts, Deku." Katsuki glared at him, hoping that maybe, finally, Izuku would tell him. But Izuku said nothing. He just stared at Katsuki, an annoyed look on his face.

Katsuki had enough, he stood up and marched over to where Izuku was sitting on his bed. He grabbed his arm held it out for Izuku to see, his bare skin still exposed as Izuku hadn't had the chance to put on a shirt. Izuku barely glanced down at the marked skin before flicking his gaze back up to a fuming and worried Katsuki.

"Tell me what this is, Izuku. Now." Izuku only looked more annoyed, and his nonchalance was driving Katsuki over the edge.

"They're cuts, Kacchan. What did you think they were?" He stated, as if Katsuki was the one being foolish. But he was determined to make Izuku say it.

"How did you get them?" Izuku rolled his eyes but didn't answer. "How?!" 

"I DID IT! Are you happy now?!" Finally Izuku snapped. For the first time that night and to Katsuki's relief, Izuku had finally shown some sort of emotion. But Katsuki wasn't done yet. He already knew what it was, of course, he needed an explanation.

"Why? Why did you do it?" Izuku shot Katsuki another angry glare and pulled his wrist away from him. He didn't try to stop him, Katsuki had made his point. What he didn't expect was Izuku to dash around him and make a break for the door, pullling it open before Katsuki could move. He chased the shorter boy down the hall, but Izuku made it back into his own room and locked the door before Katsuki could get there.

Katsuki started pounding on the door. He was a little worried about waking up the people in the dorms, but the rooms were mostly sound proof so he didn't care too much. What he did care about, was all the alcohol and marijuana and blades Izuku had access to in that room.

Thinking quickly, Katsuki let off a small explosion around the locking mechanism and the door flew open. Katsuki ran in quickly, but Izuku was nowhere to be found. He looked around the room before remembering the bathroom and ran to open the door. The bathrooms in the dorms don't have locks, so Katsuki didn't struggle to open the door. But what he saw when he got inside made his stomach do flips and his heart to leap into his throat. Izuku was sat on the tile floor, tears streaming heavily down his cheeks and a small metallic object pressed to his wrist.

Katsuki jumped into action before he even knew what he was seeing. He grabbed Izuku's wrist, the one holding the blade, and yanked it upwards. But it was too late. A quick glance at Izuku's wrist told Katsuki that the smaller boy had already cut multiple times before he had gotten to him.

Focus.

Katsuki pried the blade out of Izuku's hands and placed it on the bathroom sink. He took another look at Izuku's wrist and ignored the nausea that creeped into his stomach at the thought of this ray of light doing it to himself. He tried to see the cuts, but he couldn't make out much through the blood still pouring through the wounds.

He picked up Izuku, who continued to fight him, but since Izuku was still suffering the after effects of alcohol and drug use, Katsuki didn't struggle in lifting him up and pinning him to the bathroom sink.

"Stop fighting me, I just want to help you!"

"I don't need your fucking help, Kacchan!" Izuku continued to writhe in Katsuki's hold, but to no avail.

"Izuku, please. Just... just let me clean it. Please." At his words, Izuku seemed to calm down, leaning back against the bathroom mirror.

"I still don't know why you care," Izuku said as Katsuki turned on the tap. "You've never cared before."

"You've never cut before," Katsuki responded, gently dabbing a wet wash cloth on Izuku's bloody wrist.

"Not that you know of, you mean." At his words Katsuki remembered all the old scars he saw on Izuku's wrist. The image made his stomach curl and he caught his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down just hard enough for the pain to distract him.

"Exactly."

Your fault.
Your fault.
Your fault.
This is your fault.

Katsuki trained his concentration on Izuku, trying to block out the painful thoughts. He slowly washed the blood off Izuku's wrist, being as careful as he could as to not hurt the boy further.

"I'm sorry Izuku," Katsuki whispered. Izuku didn't hear him but Katsuki didn't say it for Izuku to hear, he said to calm the voices still screaming in his head.

You did this!
It's your fault.
You should be the one hurting, not Deku!

Deku. Katsuki realised he had just called Deku, Izuku.

"Kacchan?" Katsuki snapped his head up towards Izuku, who was looking at him with a mix of concern and confusion written across his features.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you crying?" Katsuki's eyes widened and he brushed his hand across his cheek. Izuku wasn't lying, Katsuki was crying.

The realisation hit home and Katsuki felt more tears springing to his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, actually cried. He choked back a sob and bit down hard on his lip, trying to stop the tears from falling down his face. He braced himself against the sink and forced back the onslaught of emotions that shook his body. But it was too late, after years of fighting back his feelings, Katsuki felt them rushing forward with all the power of a Tsunami. He heaved a few shaky breaths, trying to hold on to the little sanity he still had. But with one more broken sob Katsuki fell to his knees. His heart wrenching painfully in his chest, he took one more look at Izuku through blurry, tear-filled vision.

Katsuki Bakugou has snapped.

A/N:
This took way longer than I anticipated but I got it out eventually. Sorry for the wait. I've been super stressed out with school and haven't had much time but I'll be better with it I promise.
Huge thanks to Kittymclome who, for some strange reason, nominated me for the BnhaAwards best drama! I don't know why but I am so grateful thank you!
I'll update soon!
Word count: 1309

Love: Eli <3