burn the world down - centricide

Chapter 1

Things were going as usual at the extremists' place. Ever since Anti-Centrist had gathered them to help with eliminating the center, they had been living together in a nice little apartment in the middle of the city that the anticentrist had originally rented for them, but after Ancom wouldn't stop complaining about how much he hated landlords, Ancap had just bought the entire apartment complex.

"As usual" meant exactly this: Commie was sitting on the living room  couch reading the Communist Manifesto for the 200th time, Ancom was in qis room smoking weed and probably some other things as well, Nazi was looking at stonetoss comics on his computer and ancap was who knows where... The door opened and there he was, wearing his usual suit and hat, with his usual smug smile on his face.

"Good evening, losers!" he exclaimed into the room, where Commie was the only one who heard him. The communist looked up from his book for a second. "Добрый вечер кулак" he replied. "Hope you had fun oppressing your workers today. And... I'm pretty sure it's your turn to make dinner this evening." Commie pointed to the wall, where the "Best USSR Propaganda Posters Calendar" was hung up, with the different extremists written in for every day.

Ancap walked over to the couch and let himself fall next to Commie, leaning against him who gave him a disgusted look. "Oh please Tankie, you know you're the only one who seriously believes that plan can work. I'll make us dinner if you pay me -"
Commie pushed Ancap away, the capitalist did not lose his triumphant smile. "Anyway, I'm going to mine bitcoin now, see you at dinner ;)" he winked at Commie over the edge of his sunglasses and walked out of the room.
Damn it, thought Commie, he had to cook again, just like he had done for the past weeks, with only Ancom helping him from time to time. "I will do this... For the people" he said to himself as he got up, adjusted his Soviet ushanka, and walked to the kitchen.

Thirty minutes later the smell of pancakes filled the air and made the extremists come out of their rooms. "Thanks Commie!" Ancom said happily as qe took off qis bandana which qe wore at all other times. "Yes, thank you very much" Ancap's voice was only half ironic since he was pretty hungry as well.

Commie took the pan from the stove and started handing the food out. "These pancakes will be equally distributed among the people!" he exclaimed , but he gave an extra one to Ancom when he thought the others weren't looking. Qe smiled at him, wow qe looked really cute...

"I have an announcement to make", said Ancap as he poured McDonald's Sweet and sour sauce onto his pancakes. "I've bought a new TV so how about - keep in mind this is a one-time free trial offer- we watch some centrist videos this evening and make fun of them?"
Damn, the ancap offering something for free? That was unusual to say the least. "I am not against it" Commie replied. "We need to prepare for the elimination of the center." And of course, after that the glorious communist revolution, he added in his mind.

"Speaking of centricide..." Nazi said, "Has anyone heard anything from Anticentrist lately? In my opinion this is all going far too slow. Come on, I just want to commit some genocide!" The white identitarian grinned as he thought about hearing the screams of the centrists.
Ancom, as expected, glared at him from across the table and got ready to yell at him but then qe remembered something. "Yeah, i got an email from some guy saying he wants to kill me and already has Anticentrist..." qe mentioned casually in his slightly creaky voice.
"Что??" Commie was less shocked by someone threatening to kill the Anticentrist than by the fact that Ancom didn't see it as a big deal.
"Don't worry, I get these kinds of emails all the time, haha... plus it was written in all caps so I can't take it seriously."
I get these kinds of emails all the time? Commie couldn't say he didn't expect Ancom to be sent threats, given all the time qe spent online talking about politics and identities, but he suddenly felt sad for qem. How casually qe had said that.

"Of course, a commie wouldn't appreciate the glory of CAPITAL LETTERS..." ancap said. "But, can you show us that e-mail?"
"Sure..." ancom took out qis phone, typed in the passcode (which was 1312), started scrolling furiously and turned the screen around. Nazi immediately snatched it out of qis hand, inspecting the AnCom flag case and the severely cracked screen, and started to read out loud:

"HELLO ANARCHO-COMMUNIST!

THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM LIL' NAZBOL.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SAID "YOU MAKE FUN OF ME, BUT YOU WILL NOT DISCOVER THAT I AM A DANGER UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE"?

WELL, IT'S TOO LATE NOW." Nazi chuckled, and continued reading in an overly dramatic voice:

"I WILL SHOW YOU THE POWER OF THE NAZBOL EMPIRE BY KILLING YOUR BELOVED ANTICENTRIST IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK.

AFTER THAT, YOU WILL BE THE NEXT TO DIE! :-)

LOVE,

LIL NAZBOL!"

Nazi looked up from the phone, then back at it, and started laughing.
"Sorry- sorry but this is too funny-" he wheezed. Ancom grabbed the phone and they others went behind qem to get a closer look- Commie looking rather amused and Ancap eyeing the text suspiciously. Nazi still could hardly contain himself. "Nazbol Empire. What a cuck-"
"He sounds rather pathetic." Commie agreed. "But wait, Ancom. How does he know you?"

"Oh, I know him from his Youtube channel- he makes music and goes on insane rants about politics, and me and Nazi went on his Discord server to make fun of him."
Nazi nodded. "And now he wants revenge, I guess..."

"Wait, why the hell were you two hanging out?" Ancaps question remained unanswered as Commie stood up to make an announcement.

"As the spokesman of the people, I would like to suggest we ignore Lil Nazbol's attempt at a threat. His wacky words will not disturb our mission. However we need to try to contact Anticentrist to find out if he's ok."
Ancap rolled his eyes. "Do you really have to do this every time you want us to do something? Yeah I agree and we should see what happens next week."
He walked away from the table and grabbed a bag of chips from the shelf. "Who wants to laugh at centrists?" , he made his way to his room where the new TV was. Nazi quickly followed while Commie was left with the task of washing the dishes. Ancom stood up to help him and he smiled at qem.

Commie wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to.

They finished washing the plates and Ancom walked towards the door.

"Hey Ancom, I... i wanted to say-" Why was it suddenly harder to talk? He cleared his throat and started again. "You do not need to worry about Lil Nazbol, he would never stand a chance against the power of Communism. And if anyone tries to threaten you again it will protect you - by that I mean I can help you- I mean-" Did that sound weird? It probably did, oh no.
But Ancom just smiled at him. cheerfully. "Thanks Commie! That's... really nice of you."
For a moment they just stood there, then Commie made a motion to the door and they walked out, into Ancaps room.