They say, people meet for a reason.
Either you're a BLESSING,
Or you're a LESSON.
What are you in those two?
Which of those two would you want to be you?
Looking at the night sky, Hoping that you will hear my cry It's hard to smile, When you feel fragile
I looked at the pen I was holding and stare at the notebook I'm writing in. I read the poem I wrote.
It's been months already since I was here, but I can't still adjust in this place. I tried everything to divert my attention but nothing was effective.
Parang lahat ng iniisip Kong gawin at gusto kong mangyari napaka imposible kahit sobrang simple.
I never imagined migrating to another country. But I had no other choice. This? Is the only choice I have because of my panic attacks.
I don't know how to survive anymore despite of the things that happened to us the past few months.
Ngayon, hindi namin alam kung saan kami titira because that man who happen to be my supposed to be stepfather threw us out of the house.
We tried to ask help from our friends here at doon namin nakita ang tunay na pag-uugali nila.
Suicide is the only escape to this hardships. Suicide never left my mind.
The only person who helped us was my mom's teacher. He was a bachelor and doesn't have plans of having a family. He is also helping us to find an organization to help us, and luckily one day we received a phone call.
"Hello is this Rina Elisse? This is Anna from the organization. I just want to inform you that we'll be taking you in, so please be at the office on Monday. Have a great day!"
They took us in. The next day, we started to transfer our things to our new household. Kailangan ulit mag adjust dito. Marami kaming kasama.
Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko nung magvibrate Ito.
You have a message from messenger!
Nagreply na siya.
Stephen: Lumaban ka at kayanin mo. Kasi walang ibang tutulong sayo kundi ang sarili mo.
He saved me. He was the one who raised me up when I was feeling really weak. Despite his harsh words I really felt that he was concerned. Before I went back here, he started to be someone important. He's moody sometimes. And whenever he's in a bad mood or sad I always try to cheer him up.
He is such a wise person. We connected through our math subject.
The organization asked me things that I can do. They helped me climb up. Pero isang tanong ang bumabagabag sa isip ko...
Suko na ba o lalaban pa?
It's easy to make decisions pero mahirap if the result of your decision is not good like you expected. In other words, mahirap panindigan ang desisyong gagawin mo.
Anyway, I did my tasks for today, nagpunas punas ako sa room and also placed my things where it's supposed to be. Just like my focus.
Stephen: Wala ka bang balak matulog?
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It felt nice that a person is concerned. I never thought that I can feel special because of him whom I just met because of a math exam.
At first you might think na he's heartless, dead kid, gangster, and masungit. But deep inside he has a soft heart that he refuses to show to people. Yung taong akala mo huhusgahan ka, siya pa yung nagpapalakas ng loob mo at iniintindi ka.
Me: May dinadownload lang ako.
Stephen: Tsk tsk
I chatted him the next day, but all I received was one word replies from him.
We fought afterwards. When I chatted my bestfriend and show her the conversation, the first thing she said was, "Kayo ba?" I said no. Pero sabi ng bestfriend ko, we act like in a relationship.
It made me laugh. I just wished were. But it can happen only in my dreams.
I tried to keep myself busy so that I will not have time to think that I might have attacks. I have to surpass this, and I believe in God that He will never leave me through my journey.
After doing the things on my checklist, I started to get hungry and cooked carbonara. Medyo okay naman lasa and saglit lang lutuin kasi ready made sauce na.
After eating, I thought of watching Korean drama. I resumed watching the tenth episode of Cinderella and Four Knights.
I'm excited to see my oppas!
∆∆∆
Ahn Jae Hyun as Stephen Del Mundo
***
I'm really just doing this for fun. I'm not expecting anything.
